slurpy

i’m told that my surname is a “slurpy” name.  and when i think on it, yeah, it is that.

other names may be chewy or fat, or dense, or hazardous, but mine is slurpy.  however, since i haven’t been able to prove my blood-line surname, i have a variety to choose from.  i can either elect to go with my father’s adopted name “villescas” or one of two other possible surnames “jimenez” or “lorea.”  all are dubious however.  but it all fits with my being up to now and in continuance- that my life is full of ambiguity and vaguery.

my task or goal now though, is to be a medium or broker to that abstract nebulae.  a conduit to share it all.  perhaps i’ll never find out my origins, but i am not so attached to those sorts of things anymore.  especially not now.  i’ve learned a great and painful lesson, the greatest in my life.  not a maybe, i know it is the greatest.  and i have gained an awesome perspective of myself and my being.  my dynamic is potent but it had been disconnected before.  what good is that?  what vitality can come of that?  there is no reflection in a mirror that shares no light back. 

so when i talk of my “cleaning” it is not just of stuff, the tactile plane; it is of all things.  it is not an artificial change in actions – that stuff is temporary, ultimately artificial.  this cleaning is to achieve the clarity i need to share my life with others.  to share my mind openly and with wholesome saturation.