Friday, August 28, 2009


flounder is a kind of flat fish (pleuronectidae bothidae) it also refers to splashing, to be in trouble, to be confused, to flail. my favourite definition being “to make clumsy uncontrolled movements while trying to regain balance or move forwards.”
in addition to many other attributes and descriptors, one may add, i am sown to felt the flat of bothidae.

i am water swimming water. continuum drowns. out. time.
statement of countless judges. sentence assigned regardless.
overlapping complimentary contradictory designs.
folly and façade.
temper enters
balance my segment
day and night withes to incident
callus my skin but not too deeply please
i may thrash against that batting
exhaust pressured through yarn-crowded pinholes
of quarters bound paisley and wane
tooth and tat the rigorous prat
flattens ground, straightens that
which finds you sound

and board

Thursday, August 27, 2009


[from an e-mail to my friend storm]

this(this message) is one of those things that is said or talked about or stated because of the “just in case.” in these times of disconnectivity and isolation i believe this even more important than is (what i would perceive as being) normally needed. needed for human connectivity: bonds, social group(s), community, relationship(s), cultural process, etc.

i believe in some form or another this characteristic or attribute has been me or of me since my genetic disposition was first committed to course: that i am “home.” that i am “singular.” a “part.” i believe (as best as i can observe given memory’s tricky dynamic) that this characteristic was nurtured early-on by varying influences in my life (some of which i can detect and discover others have remained vague emotional references). i also believe that, more or less, i would have come to the same current relative result no matter the influences, well.. that is, to a certain degree. exceptional intense degrees in any direction obliterate balance and thus destroy or smother the genetic propensity or inherent state of a thing(in this case, a living being – human).

i also understand more and more that (or i should say that i’ve understood this or have been made to understand this and am reaffirmed of it’s truth by continued observances, reflections, questioning, and experience) this really only applies to my relative “type” of person. that is, a person who is relatively similar to who i am based on experience, genetic disposition, cultural influence(s), knowledge, instincts, intellect, etc.
humans are very similar, but at the same time, very different or varied. varied is the better word to use, i believe, than “different.” the connotations and associations of words and their usage confuse things often in communication. it is unfortunate we cannot mind meld, but mind meld with expertise and not simply to have the ability to meld.

it is obvious to me, at all times, that each human’s actions and response(same as “actions” but verbally, but seemingly needing to be a separate list item) are their own. we each dictate reality. whether or not we realize this, feel this, know it, is entirely separate. there are plenty of people who by culture, experience, programming, influence, conditioning, situation, are blinded to this inherent attribute of the evolved brain and aware human mind.
i sense, often if not mostly, that people forget this fact, state, or at least potential state.

wherever i go i am home. i can be overwhelmed by the inundation of cultural pressure, influence or the pressures of context or decision, but on the average, in general, i am home. but not “home,” because home is not a singular thing for me. as it turns out there is nothing i can detect or observe that is singular for me. even myself is not singular. when i think on myself or of myself i quickly feel that i am not singular or permanent. i am cells, then molecules, then atoms. i am a part of the population, a part of atomic presence; i am both incidental and essential. the phrase “i am everything and nothing,” may seem like portraic* and esoteric existentialism but it is just a tool after all, and it does have a solid use. the phrase or phrasing like it say a lot.

*poor-tray-ich – meaning something that is beyond one’s self but is ultimately an empty rigid portrayal or projection of false ideal. much like the fawning or fussing one might do over an honoured portrait of one’s self but especially a portrait of someone looked up to or that the person wants to stand behind, though they may not know much or anything of who is depicted in the portrait.

i enjoy the first cognitive sensation upon waking, as well i enjoy those blended moments that can be perceived as being “between” thought or between sleep and wake or wake and sleep. perhaps my current state or situation has afforded me this point of view, this perspective or vantage point; or perhaps it is this current state that has “warped” my outlook, corrupted, or misguided me. but however one might view/word it, it is a perspective i feel rhythm with. have i gravitated toward it, have i created this? or am i a reed in the wind? moss in the stream? tossed here and there without any influence save my own physical presence and simple actions? ultimately one will decide for themselves(either knowingly or unknowingly) the level to which they create the universe or the universe creates them.

ultimately the “challenge” is in the mind. it is thought, or the indication of thought or “consideration” that i find myself attracted to. to varying degrees i tend to be repulsed by the alternative. if i wasn’t this way then i could imagine not even being your friend. because i would not have the interest in how you perceive things, how you think, and therefore i wouldn’t have the chance to bond or connect with you and gain the understand one does with that kind of connection. i could call you “friend” but ultimately you would not be. there are so many people that do not care so much about thought, about discussion, about common sense, about detail. these words are general and thus can mean many kinds of things, but i think you know what i am talking about. when i say “detail” i don’t mean those people who know details or are “detail oriented,” i’m talking more about those people who are perceptive of subtle attributes that give tell to understanding – ultimately it goes back to the “umbrella” of common sense.
people do not seem this way on the surface and there are many behaviours, indicators, or attributes that disguise the lack of this level of thought or concern/contemplation that i am speaking of. it is much like my zombie metaphor years ago about the “woolies” about how there are an exceptional few (comparatively) thinkers surrounded by these relatively non-thinking woolies. there are plenty of people who are in the “sway” (the general and gradated portion of people who go from woolie to nonwoolie or average to exception), and it is these people who can become “infected” or influenced to go the way of the woolie. But just like infected zombie victims, you may not necessarily be able to tell them apart from noninfected sway or exceptionals, at least until they really start to turn. But usually by the time you realize they are infected it is too late for you. you’ll get damaged in some way. maybe you’ll escape. Haha

the charm of humankind is our ability to adapt. it has made us an evolutional success. whether or not this means our continued survival and evolution is uncertain. our ability to adapt has led to our “social group” and the ability for our minds to grow with the excess resources saved by working together and devising intellectual devices such as culture and processes. processes like math, order, arrangement, etc.
despite our differences we do have the ability to coexist well. at the current, we have the issues of imbalance of intellect and instinct, the lack of discipline of the mind. thus we have the issues, we live with, in the world. we have the isolation of country, of race, of neighborhood, of family member, etc.
still, we have the ability. culture is one of the distinctive strengths of humans. culture is ultimately what has evolved. our physical selves are much slower at evolution. this process is what works for survival. because culture, and it’s affects, can outpace the rhythms of basic evolution it is our culture, or our minds, that can temper the balance.


ha, i think mainly i just wanted to say that i feel like a water molecule in the ocean. vast and particular, entire and singular. incidental and essential. i just wanted to state that. and in the above i was pretty much spelling it out as best i could while at the same time keeping you in audience to the process.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

of futile fussery

the tire rolls the town. tension unwound- at frictional costs.
the contribution is effective and nonsense just the same.
but the entire hears the humming of the treaded
a subtle symphonicie lurd to a quieting oil.
of solitude
of purpose
of solace

and foundation

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

the conundrum of exception

being a minority, do you want the natural habits of the mean-mass of humans to have a target by which to address? being a minority, you have a rarefied perspective but to connect and disseminate, the resultant dynamic, an aperture or dialogue of sorts must be established to some degree.

is it i who am explaining-away, excusing myself from responsibility, or not facing reality, truth, myself? or is it i who has awareness of self, context, and reality? who is right. who is wrong. who is right? who is wrong?
who decides what is real- and what is not? it would seem that the individual (or group) with the ability to influence the largest group is ultimately (within human culture) that which decides the state of our(human) reality.
convention is tool. all is tool. boundaries and static forms change, in time, in context. it is the abuse or misuse of convention, of tools, that instigates my madness and possibly, my frustrations. if anything, it is this imbalanced practice or tendency of the human-mean, resulting in the friction between that culture-entire and my own, that affects me most. the clash of culture. the misunderstandings in translation; incorrect interpretations. the friction of tangents.

somehow i have to manage a way to figure out an interface that can enable connection between my dynamic and any other. this is not created by design but by compulsion, by necessity from my dynamic. otherwise i feel i will not fulfill the connection i feel to make. i do not feel the general attraction most have to the convention(s) of recognition, fame, credit, acknowledgment, tribute, acceptance, and other similar forms. in of themselves they are good “tools” or forms that can represent and convey a great deal, but considering the state of human ability, these forms are grossly abused for the sake of themselves, for self-definement, validity, confirmation, and confidence. and i think it is this that i am reacting to and why it is so difficult for me to accept or "buy in to" conventional forms of shared expression.

anonymity is my attraction. the search for self and the resultant "original" forms of expression that result from that are also my attraction. this does not mean that anything is absolutely original, i believe in the continuum of all, the connection of all. so there are no absolute original forms.
tempering the connection with all else (human or otherwise) and the self is my attraction. i can sense the presence of this.

Saturday, August 1, 2009



the body. human. genetic. culture
action and boil
a smooth and gnarl of gatherings.

a fingered hand. foot prints pursed on concrete pasts.

life is bonus, knowing is bonus bonus.