Monday, July 25, 2011


my "position" is that there is no one position.  i may seem to contradict myself, but that is by perception, perspective and perhaps a varying bit of my own failing in articulating through conventionally accessible communication forms.

we each will see what we each will see.  what we can see.  what we want to see.
the relevance of my points and notes to anyone else is as their will will commit to their reality.
it seems obvious that each of us are this way.  but it does not show up in the continuing result of human life.  at least not on the outward observable results.
there is alot of arguing that goes on, myself included.  humans fuss entirely too much, i feel.  we can operate so much more smoothly but that is not "in the cards," well, at least at the moment.

i have difficulty with unthinkers, but unthinkers are part of a current equation.  a percentage of the dynamic of humankind, of the earth as it is.  who is to say who should exist, what to think. who is important, why.
we each have those "rights."

by thought, we are.

what is important is what we find important.

what will be, or better put "is," does not hinge on our will or action.  "yes it does" - is the kind of response of thinking that cannot see beyond one's own sentence in the story, in the library.

accepted plastyk

time seems relevant for those that need it to be necessary.

as much as can be said that i "try" i cannot mustard myself with the idea of singular (and/or) convention. the intellectual device of time dissolves and seems relatively antiquated as just one pin in the panes of the foot.

we all humans need consistency, our instinct is strong with the stuff.  comfort, familiarity, recognizable, survival,  ..  to survive or for our values to survive (including the value of our loves, loved ones, or genetic line in our offspring or passed along culture/idea).
thus, we need and will continue to create and shape our world like a nest, a den.  we adapt and make it comfortable and conducive to our survival and comforts and to thrive by.

but the more experience that i am attached to the more irrelevant i find the standard and convention as established, as taught, as programmed, as conditioned and impressed or "passed along" as exists in our relative world and modern cultures/sciences/ether.

it seems that human "accepteds," are mostly outdated.  like old practices that continue only because they were or are unquestioned, unchallenged and even where there are those that fight to keep the seeming comfort they feel can only come from those good old practices, traditions, ways, etc.  even so far as "to the death."

"artist."  another category. another convention.  an intellectual-evolved idea that helps us to clump together and feel comforted and confident in continuing to fulfill the instinct of survival - to follow our biological assigns.

"i yam what i yam" - one of the oldest quotes i find relevance with - popeye (or if you feel, whoever put those words in the cartoon sailor's mouth).  that's all that i yam.
pretty obvious what that means.  of course we each will interpret it as far as we can "see."
am i what i say i am?  am i what others say i am?  am i what history writes or what retrospect reveals?  am i the sum total of what i directly or obviously affected? . . . effect?

quickly reality makes as much sense as it does not.  and it matters that it does as much as it does not.
so at some point one makes a kind of choice of what to follow - or, what influences to try for, like a kayak on a wide and diverse river of rapids.  some paths you can achieve with work, with choice, with will but other paths are not a reality due to the surround, the context, the other influences and existence at play.
because we imagine it, can imagine it, does not dictate existence to the continua. reality is regardless of human arrogance and fuss.

we support what our dynamic can reveal.  we are sentinel to that, steward, guardian.  our own best representatives responsible for the content contributed to that human cultural ether.

artist?  i've tried to feel myself that, to think myself that.  but [only] feeling myself that feels me as much sense as does when i try(ied) to wear jewelry, or to fit in with the practices of partying, drinking(i do drink alcohols but not in the standard and/or expected ways), college-ing, etc.
it's not that i entirely or necessarily "don't care" i just don't have those reactions, sense, or mood that blindly commands me to follow what is in front of me, what is easy, what is presented as "sure things" or ways to happiness, fortune, or success.

to me there is no one way to be.  life is changing.  life is change. static and absolutes are only relatively temporarily-so.  perhaps it is idea of "life in the human lifespan" that people align their opposition with, to what i say; good point.  but what happens, what does one see, when they see beyond their own life, either before, after, or the abstract realm of multiple eventuality and/or outcome?  it is overwhelming and fulfilling.

of course, i am the odd one it seems, the exception to the standard or mean consistency of the main body.  at least the body of humankind i've observed up to this point.  i do not select my observations, my rhythms feel to try to involve a balanced diet of observation; counterpoints and contrasts in experience and people and contexts.

"trained artist" - is relevant and is not.  to me "everyone is art" (and not due to some singular school i may be thought to belong to or that i display the properties of, an artist is the trained artist as well as not) thus "everyone is artist" thus "everyone is art."  and some will say "yeah but, come on" and that is ok as well, isn't it.  "each steward of their own dynamic," so we each will defend or argue our points, represent our nature and knowledge.  the trained artist is trained in relatively specific disciplines or outcomes or contexts, values, etc.  a human is trained, can be trained.  a human will get very specific in task, say, to cook, or build a structure.  this does not make them "only" a cook, "only an engineer" etc.  they are all including the "human" they also decide to call themselves.
but humans like limitations, containers.  consistent comfort-makers.  our chemicals correctly working for us to push our existence, our species onward.

art is a byproduct of observation, of experience, of the biochemical energy of our dynamic - that our dynamic receives and reconciles or interprets or translates.  we digest all, make it our own, and produce the exhales and products of our own contribute. recycling? i suppose that could apply.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

shrinkwrap dragonfly

street is olive loaf on pumpernickel without a plastic sword or cellophane-fringed pick to hold it together.

urban neighborhood is black gum shaped into a casual lawn with hidden plastic animal ornaments and a rubber hose that makes soggy newspaper gnomes.

nature is dried mustard clogging the spout.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

el too y whot

argent glim is our natural lure. what is seen, what squeaks, what bothers, what yells, what fuss. that all is connected is lost to most. most need to see, need to touch, need to hear, need to know. sensing is believing. but by extension then nothing exists that is not sensible(able to be sensed, or in other words, currently sensed).

humans have senses, have evolved our states because of what can exist in the dynamic seemingly present; all of earth and observable universe, to varying degrees, of what is able to be observed, is this way. again, it goes to what we can sense. reality is all that we sense (including “have sensed”).

intellect affords us indulgence in the abstract; perhaps this is ultimately detriment, maybe benefit – only in far-futured retrospect could we know. it is our intellect and the abstract envelopes that allow us to out-evolve the pace of our biological statements. it is our culture: science, knowledge, values, etc. that have advanced us, our biology is slow to catch up to the pace of our cultural evolution.

but some things we(humans collectively) can cross-teach or culturally-disseminate so that the mean populous can at least appreciate or enjoy some amount of the awareness, perspective, insight.

ultimately i am saying that many people do not think. they are “unthinkers.” that is “un” and not “non.” for whatever reason people do not think. they do not challenge, ask questions, care, discover, are curious, etc. whether it is because questions and discovery create new work, chore, problem, etc. or because they are unaware or biological unresponsive of the dynamic of thought.

when it comes to reputation, how much of that influences a person? a lot, i would hope given that humans generally need to be instinctive and analogous. without the consistent body of a population, the species would not survive unless the environment or contexts support such radical biology.

but even though we are instinct-driven, though we are beasts, though we are biological, we have the ability to rise above the biological commitment by using the brain of our biology to utilize thought. we can cross-examine and compare, observe, detect, discover, search, experiment, etc. we do this to enhance the scope of our abstract results. by doing so we create a healthier “gut” or intuition or collected experience base. this healthy gut enhances our reality and our ability to wield and influence it.

sure, we are socially programmed and structured, culturally conditioned, associations aligned with conformity; some of it taught, learned, copied by observation (nurtured) some of it instinctual (nature), but who decides that that is good or bad? is there a good or bad? like said earlier, how can we really know except in the far future retrospect, say 50,000 to a few million years (if humans survive that long).

there are many discoveries that have enhanced our longevity, our lives, the lives of other creatures, etc. at many points things that have been traditional, associated acceptable, cultural standard, accepted practice, etc. have been changed or altered or fought against to be eliminated for better practices. if no one thought past the comfortable sentence we would not know the periods beyond.

but there are many people who have to fit themselves, contort themselves, force themselves, into established compartments and category. the pressure of the species body is immense. the more in the core one is the less movement is allowed. it is simple how one fits in the cell-sphere model of humanity. the more you need to move, the more you think, the further out you will find yourself or that you need to get to in order to find that comfortable rhythm. some of us find ourselves on the outskirts, the fringe, the exposed vulnerable spots on the outermost skin of the sphere. for us, that is where we find our rhythm within the human entire.

historical record (and by extension the popular-current) is fool of holes. true it is an indication, but not a complete one. it is missing massive volumes of those who have existed, things that have existed. some might say that those who make the historical record or obtain any (varying) degree of notoriety or acknowledgement is deserving, “should be” recognized, or is simply what is needed to make it to record, perhaps that “all else do not matter or are not worth of note.” but those associative assigns and constructs are limited thinking. they do not take into consideration the vastness of life and the connection all has. “all” not arrogantly-isolated to humans, but of all in existence living or not.

it is a matter of culture and biological response that we assign the importances. we want to be or our interests to be safe, to survive, to be comfortable, to thrive, and so we respond to those things that enable or return those kind of results.
i just wish there were more thinkers, perhaps all of humanity cannot be this way. there needs to be the consistent and stable body, the core, of humanity. the outward layers of the human sphere are the ones to take the chances, to search the darkness, to test the unknowns, and then to share the discoveries with the body. layer by layer we contribute to the sphere; not evenly, not surely to the entire, but the average and eventuality is what we all are.

we each support, promote, protect what our dynamic represents, it’s collection, it’s indication. we connect, we are connected always, but it is in the sharing and the consideration outside of yourself that enriches the connection that makes humanity both strong and resilient.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

arbitrary pull from the ether

seemingly random effects coalesce within the dynamic of one or the group. 

time seems irrelevant, but at the same time necessary.  is it programming? conditioning?  cultural and peer associations are strong because we are so soaked with them through our years of initial growth and sponge.  formulating while trying to comprehend - a reconciliation demanded of us whether we are able to wield or defend ourselves.  we must know what to do before we know what to do.  there is no relative "try before you buy" for human-cultured life.

i challenge time though.  i've slowly started taking in observations on the perception and usage of time; it's development and usage over known accounts throughout human history.  and by "human" i mean our line of evolution.  time makes sense because we make it make sense.  it is a mortar that seems fit to fit everything together. does the idea of time blind our awares?

time binds reality?  reality is an agreed upon consistency of observation; agreed upon within ourselves- with others, directly or indirectly.
things that seem absolute are still only relatively absolute.  not permanent, not static.  eventually our proud human constructs fall to new discovery, new reveals of our insignificant stuffings.
mathematics, science, medicine, these cultures are infant.  they are arrogant.  but they are what we have built upon.  the evolution model at work.  and it is these cultures that progress us.  our biology is relatively slow to evolve, our brains are relatively unchanged, our bodies - likewise.  but our culture, our learnings, "knowledge," that evolves and grows us futures faster than perhaps we are able to wield well.

our tumble with our knowings may be looked back on someday, to see the relative benefits and detriments that came to pass; but in our current we cannot know, nor do most of us care or realize it is something to be interested about.

i've talked to some in my surround, those rhymed enough to bring out the talk in me - not by my choice but by the flow of the music created by our gathered presence.  i talk them the idea of my "jupiter time."  a kind of twisted dimension of time where we live an earth life, but where seeming-"bubbles" of time allow for expanded days, elongated weeks.  when it's thursday i feel it should be monday evening - - "jupiter time!"
days of the "week" should be 5 to 7 times long (guessing) or that the things that we can do in the same time should be 5 to 7 times (or more) greater.  it would still feel and exist like normal earth time, but we'd be able to experience, do, have that 5 to 7 jupiter times.  it's kind of nonsensical, but it probably makes sense to each of us in that we want more time to do things.

the work week is 5 days with 2 days off - 7 up together.  but why?  there have been many other "week" durations throughout the world.  religion may drive much however.  it does drive much.  religion is unifying and relatively consistent enough to provide the comforts our instinct seeks out.  survival, and thus, thrival.  we thrive, and we may be comforted and happy.

a system that works, or seems to work, or by association is said or thought to work is difficult to change.  the consistency is not easily broken.  it is one of the strengths of our species.  we are resilient and adaptable a beast, but we have that kind of osseous construct that keeps us from breaking apart so easily.  that kind of consistent integrity while having that light-on-our-feet resilient mobility keeps us in existence.
how long we will persist to exist is uncertain, what we do cannot ultimately be determined to be detriment or benefit.  only in retrospect.  how about 50 thousand years from now we take a look back to see what was whot and what was whotnot.

perhaps the week could be changed someday.  something more effective maybe.  just because it's worked so far, or for so long, doesn't mean it is balanced; doesn't mean it's the best or the worst.  i'm not saying to change something just to do it, but if you feel the ether about you telling you something, if your balance is off, then you adjust, you adapt, the resilient beast seeks survival.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

the half brat

a beautiful shoe

i cannot wear

will sit on a sil

Friday, July 8, 2011

steamed rolls

{another relatively stand-alone response to my friend storm about old and new and the ability to appreciate old when only looking forward}

i was remarking, just today, about how this one fence i sometimes drive by (residential streetside privacy picket fence) has already turned barnyard brown. it started out as pine-blond. it was probably covered with some protectant but not completely sealed allowing the wood to weather or “age.” it has only been a few years and the fence now looks like it’s been there for decades. it’s like seeing the statue of liberty when it’s not oxidized blue. with those changes, and if those changes are consistent for a length of time, then we establish associations and bonds with those truths and facts. it becomes the stuff that forms our reality. but some or many of those forms are temporary and perhaps context-fragile. for example the statue of liberty is pretty stable and tough. it is not “fragile.” but it is fragile to context if the context involves a city initiative to polish her. afterwards she looks copper and not her aqua blue and people’s reality is disturbed. their comforts shaken, perhaps probably their identity as well – especially for a city ego like new york that has a worldwide reputation.

the affect and effect of things over time. it is interesting.
perspective and perception can alter appreciation, can alter reality. how we look at things how we feel things or consider them changes much.
mindstates, influences, brainwash, campaign, instruction or education, conditioning, these things have a big impact.

i was also remarking about how each scratch or dent or worn piece is an exciting thing to me. where most people flinch or get disappointed, i feel elated. in ways, someone who wants things to (always) be perfect, to remain the same, unchanging, unmoving, static, permanent is someone who wants to no longer exist, to be dead, to be lifeless, to not be human; or they are just not thinking beyond their own boundaries.

hole in my pocket

{my response to dialogue from my friend storm regarding the past and going forward - regarding the earthquake/tsunami in northern japan and google streetview replacement of affected areas}

the abstracts of “past, present, future” can confuse. i respond heavily to culture, to nuance, to texture. because of that i can easily be swept away by “idea” by romance, by the story of something, the packaging of something. i tend to call this “marketing” of something, but it’s really about my reaction or response to the clumped consistency of a thing. so my loves or attraction are not exclusive to any tense in time or category of culture, my love is my dynamic responding to the dynamic surrounding me, or that i’m immersed in or surround by.

the past is as delicious and nutritious as the future; as the present or the imagined. and while i can be sad about something i can be equally happy about it at the same time. i can also have varying degrees or levels of every emotion occurring at the same time like a soup or like the levels on a mixing board or equalizer for a piece of music.

layers will be built again. there is constant renew. constant change, adaptation, movement, oxidation. as humans we establish new bonds, new experiences and associations. we make the uncomfortable familiar and recognizable. we establish bridges or connections to shape our environment so that it becomes comfortable. that is us in general. that is a human quality whether it is a benefit or detriment to either us or the world we live amoung.

so i am excited to see things healed, to see what is around the next corner, but i also love the corners already explored, the alleys that are well known and well worn.


the day is burned by common fuss. It is everything my redcap can do to hyde the interpret-blind between noise and the clarity of wonder.

the too turns, every day, wear and build the continuant cinder. abrade and polish are equal continua. all ingredient in that soup-aware. identity and reality; conjured and constructed by our each to cope and handle the boundaries of our decided and discovered singulars.

node to designation

i enjoy clutter, attachment, bric-a-brac, bauble, miscellany, refuse, mess, and rubble.

my shadows are stubborn and my curious are lantern-lit by nightly gnats.

i favour the attachment of obscure acronym to name or noun. asterisks, exponents, and radicals are a permanent tickle; floaters swirling about parts of speech and connecting human sentiments. accents to nuance – necessity replete.

clutter, for the majority of humans, appears to be something visited not lived with. "appears," because that is the relative madness that most humans assign themselves as indicated by the outward projection to their adjacents.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

getting to the other side

on july 1 i was launched into the street by a ford focus.  my friend, camera, was destroyed but alot of people witnessed and even tried to warn me before impact.  i may have been hit worse had i not turned and slightly reacted to the oncoming car. i'd have been completed blindsided.  the car was going somewhat fast but in reverse.  i'd checked the road and was particularly alert, still, it seemed to come out of nowhere.  the people say i was thrown, that i went over the car.  one particular guy really helped me out.  seemed trained, at least at basic first-aid or response.  a nice woman got a clean towel for me to wrap my dripping arm and the guy helped to wrap it up keep it elevated and apply pressure.  the guy asked if i needed water, i said yes, and the woman went off to a nearby bar or gallery to get me some.

as i was sitting on the curb continuing to be asked routine questions for trauma victims, i noticed what other people had already seen and known,  the back window of the car had a huge hole in it like someone had blasted it with a shotgun.  at the time i figured perhaps my camera went through the window, but the glass in my elbow and the type of lacerations were proof otherwise(the fire dept. paramedics and later-on doctor would confirm this).

it wasn't a surreal experience but it did happen faster than the senses seem to be able to record.
when i turned to see those reverse lights and sensing the speed of the car i had this sense of doom, not negative doom, but that this was going to be bad; something that i might not be able to walk away from or maybe survive.  still i saw or felt more practical or perhaps observant of everything.

i did what a creature does.  i was helped  up and i took it slow, in case i was more broken than i could detect.  i seemed to be able to get up without pain or crunching sounds. so i responded to the help to get me to the curb.  i was hoping nothing was damaged but as soon as i was getting up i could feel blood coming from somewhere. at the time i thought maybe i had some severe road-rash.  the wounds were on my elbow, the side hardest to see without a mirror.  i couldn't see the gnarly evidence, others could.

i was told by the paramedics i'd definitely need stitches, but they said i'd need at least three. i went to the closest er after getting a courtesy ride by the police to my car.  oh yeah. i declined for the firedept to take me.  i mean, if it was severe enough, wouldn't they just take me?  they gave me a choice with a hint of liability-feeling issues or stance, probably because i was conscious.  how was i supposed to know i had a lacerated artery in my elbow.  how could they know?  i don't know.
i was fortunate in that i made it to the er nearest my house, after not getting much help at the first er.  i was bleeding through my original bandages but i suppose many people in an er(that first er) are used to seeing that stuff, not to mention i didn't look too beat up except for the blood all over my pants.  i was dissapointed in the first er.

the er by my house was unusully light for a friday (they told me), so i was seen right away.
i drove about thirty minutes to the er by my house and it had been about 40 minutes since the accident.
the initial dressing kept things together enough, but i couldn't have gone much longer without dripping from my bandages.  i started bleeding pretty good when the doctor took the bandages off.  there was an excellent nurse aiding and together they got everything under control.  i had to have some cat scan and xrays and glass had to be removed.

i am waiting to see an ortho-something-or-other to double check an unusual shadow on my elbow xray.  i'm sure my elbow is gnarly, i have some crazy missing skin patches that couldn't be sutured.

from around 10pm to 4+am in the morning was my ordeal.  i got to see "under siege," well partly, and "invasion" - almost all of it.