white noise

the "artist" i hope to be,

that i always have been

a hueman
is one that does not learn to paint
does not learn to be "artist"
does not have any singular purpose
but rather a purpose entire.
to live, and share, and reflect, and connect
and communicate and disseminate
those collected and experienced moments
of the abstracts of the mind
in the past, of the future, and with the present
-
to do so, utilize the surround to articulate
tangible currencies for exchange between the realms
of each of us. . . and whole of us.
whatever means to mean whatever needs.
-
a hue man "is" because of why? of what?
because they are published? represented?
raise high auction or attention?
because word or phrase exists to classify?
because they are known at all?
indeed, the artist makes quite a disturbance
even bereft of audience.
that an audience is enabled notice at all
is ultimately benefit to the audience, not the artist
-
an artist is the pearl no matter the beast
they are caste by

thus, it is the already-connection that benefits the

artist,  a benefit not sought - already ingredient felt

and known

perfect

i want to be as close to "black" as possible.  "possible"?
"as can be," then.
black as in "nothing."  as in "everything."
continua, the "always"
abstract befores and after, or our perception and ableness to dwell on them - confuse
or do they?  are the answers there?  always there? never there.
black is without spoil. black is initial, and whole.  white is stain and action and mess and fuss.
black is purity and all, not fragmented pieces holed up with intent and tions.
shuns? ..prevail in our human-intellected age.
instinct prevails with it's sex-induced propagation
but i am not so enabled with instinctual patrons.

litote commoner

all these compilations - age, incomplete times - ongoing.
i remain, myself.  despite myself.  never me, always change
rattles in the pocket.
upon the picks and knits of others, i remain
myself
but changing myself
amoung others
despite others
nothing to effort
every the effort demanded
but without condition

quarter pocket change

little moments become larger moments of meaning.  serendipity?  chance relies on our individual experience and perspective - our perception of reality.

rules?  what rules are there but what our chemical situate commands?  or perhaps, it is what that chem-sit demands of us.

what i do know is that i love the little moments we share with each other.  caring for one another, doing things for another that are perfectly suited to their needs without so many words or rules urging us to perform.

the "do" for one another without return.  the "do" for one another that is reciprocally reflective, where - at some point - you cannot tell the difference between you and they.

and you don't worry about what will be done for yourself.  it's reciprocal.

conduit

my "position" is that there is no one position.  i may seem to contradict myself, but that is by perception, perspective and perhaps a varying bit of my own failing in articulating through conventionally accessible communication forms.

we each will see what we each will see.  what we can see.  what we want to see.
the relevance of my points and notes to anyone else is as their will will commit to their reality.
it seems obvious that each of us are this way.  but it does not show up in the continuing result of human life.  at least not on the outward observable results.
there is alot of arguing that goes on, myself included.  humans fuss entirely too much, i feel.  we can operate so much more smoothly but that is not "in the cards," well, at least at the moment.

i have difficulty with unthinkers, but unthinkers are part of a current equation.  a percentage of the dynamic of humankind, of the earth as it is.  who is to say who should exist, what to think. who is important, why.
we each have those "rights."

by thought, we are.

what is important is what we find important.

what will be, or better put "is," does not hinge on our will or action.  "yes it does" - is the kind of response of thinking that cannot see beyond one's own sentence in the story, in the library.

accepted plastyk

time seems relevant for those that need it to be necessary.

as much as can be said that i "try" i cannot mustard myself with the idea of singular (and/or) convention. the intellectual device of time dissolves and seems relatively antiquated as just one pin in the panes of the foot.

we all humans need consistency, our instinct is strong with the stuff.  comfort, familiarity, recognizable, survival,  ..  to survive or for our values to survive (including the value of our loves, loved ones, or genetic line in our offspring or passed along culture/idea).
thus, we need and will continue to create and shape our world like a nest, a den.  we adapt and make it comfortable and conducive to our survival and comforts and to thrive by.

but the more experience that i am attached to the more irrelevant i find the standard and convention as established, as taught, as programmed, as conditioned and impressed or "passed along" as exists in our relative world and modern cultures/sciences/ether.

it seems that human "accepteds," are mostly outdated.  like old practices that continue only because they were or are unquestioned, unchallenged and even where there are those that fight to keep the seeming comfort they feel can only come from those good old practices, traditions, ways, etc.  even so far as "to the death."


"artist."  another category. another convention.  an intellectual-evolved idea that helps us to clump together and feel comforted and confident in continuing to fulfill the instinct of survival - to follow our biological assigns.

"i yam what i yam" - one of the oldest quotes i find relevance with - popeye (or if you feel, whoever put those words in the cartoon sailor's mouth).  that's all that i yam.
pretty obvious what that means.  of course we each will interpret it as far as we can "see."
am i what i say i am?  am i what others say i am?  am i what history writes or what retrospect reveals?  am i the sum total of what i directly or obviously affected? . . . effect?

quickly reality makes as much sense as it does not.  and it matters that it does as much as it does not.
so at some point one makes a kind of choice of what to follow - or, what influences to try for, like a kayak on a wide and diverse river of rapids.  some paths you can achieve with work, with choice, with will but other paths are not a reality due to the surround, the context, the other influences and existence at play.
because we imagine it, can imagine it, does not dictate existence to the continua. reality is regardless of human arrogance and fuss.

we support what our dynamic can reveal.  we are sentinel to that, steward, guardian.  our own best representatives responsible for the content contributed to that human cultural ether.

artist?  i've tried to feel myself that, to think myself that.  but [only] feeling myself that feels me as much sense as does when i try(ied) to wear jewelry, or to fit in with the practices of partying, drinking(i do drink alcohols but not in the standard and/or expected ways), college-ing, etc.
it's not that i entirely or necessarily "don't care" i just don't have those reactions, sense, or mood that blindly commands me to follow what is in front of me, what is easy, what is presented as "sure things" or ways to happiness, fortune, or success.

to me there is no one way to be.  life is changing.  life is change. static and absolutes are only relatively temporarily-so.  perhaps it is idea of "life in the human lifespan" that people align their opposition with, to what i say; good point.  but what happens, what does one see, when they see beyond their own life, either before, after, or the abstract realm of multiple eventuality and/or outcome?  it is overwhelming and fulfilling.

of course, i am the odd one it seems, the exception to the standard or mean consistency of the main body.  at least the body of humankind i've observed up to this point.  i do not select my observations, my rhythms feel to try to involve a balanced diet of observation; counterpoints and contrasts in experience and people and contexts.

"trained artist" - is relevant and is not.  to me "everyone is art" (and not due to some singular school i may be thought to belong to or that i display the properties of, an artist is the trained artist as well as not) thus "everyone is artist" thus "everyone is art."  and some will say "yeah but, come on" and that is ok as well, isn't it.  "each steward of their own dynamic," so we each will defend or argue our points, represent our nature and knowledge.  the trained artist is trained in relatively specific disciplines or outcomes or contexts, values, etc.  a human is trained, can be trained.  a human will get very specific in task, say, to cook, or build a structure.  this does not make them "only" a cook, "only an engineer" etc.  they are all including the "human" they also decide to call themselves.
but humans like limitations, containers.  consistent comfort-makers.  our chemicals correctly working for us to push our existence, our species onward.

art is a byproduct of observation, of experience, of the biochemical energy of our dynamic - that our dynamic receives and reconciles or interprets or translates.  we digest all, make it our own, and produce the exhales and products of our own contribute. recycling? i suppose that could apply.

el too y whot

argent glim is our natural lure. what is seen, what squeaks, what bothers, what yells, what fuss. that all is connected is lost to most. most need to see, need to touch, need to hear, need to know. sensing is believing. but by extension then nothing exists that is not sensible(able to be sensed, or in other words, currently sensed).

humans have senses, have evolved our states because of what can exist in the dynamic seemingly present; all of earth and observable universe, to varying degrees, of what is able to be observed, is this way. again, it goes to what we can sense. reality is all that we sense (including “have sensed”).

intellect affords us indulgence in the abstract; perhaps this is ultimately detriment, maybe benefit – only in far-futured retrospect could we know. it is our intellect and the abstract envelopes that allow us to out-evolve the pace of our biological statements. it is our culture: science, knowledge, values, etc. that have advanced us, our biology is slow to catch up to the pace of our cultural evolution.

but some things we(humans collectively) can cross-teach or culturally-disseminate so that the mean populous can at least appreciate or enjoy some amount of the awareness, perspective, insight.

ultimately i am saying that many people do not think. they are “unthinkers.” that is “un” and not “non.” for whatever reason people do not think. they do not challenge, ask questions, care, discover, are curious, etc. whether it is because questions and discovery create new work, chore, problem, etc. or because they are unaware or biological unresponsive of the dynamic of thought.

when it comes to reputation, how much of that influences a person? a lot, i would hope given that humans generally need to be instinctive and analogous. without the consistent body of a population, the species would not survive unless the environment or contexts support such radical biology.

but even though we are instinct-driven, though we are beasts, though we are biological, we have the ability to rise above the biological commitment by using the brain of our biology to utilize thought. we can cross-examine and compare, observe, detect, discover, search, experiment, etc. we do this to enhance the scope of our abstract results. by doing so we create a healthier “gut” or intuition or collected experience base. this healthy gut enhances our reality and our ability to wield and influence it.

sure, we are socially programmed and structured, culturally conditioned, associations aligned with conformity; some of it taught, learned, copied by observation (nurtured) some of it instinctual (nature), but who decides that that is good or bad? is there a good or bad? like said earlier, how can we really know except in the far future retrospect, say 50,000 to a few million years (if humans survive that long).

there are many discoveries that have enhanced our longevity, our lives, the lives of other creatures, etc. at many points things that have been traditional, associated acceptable, cultural standard, accepted practice, etc. have been changed or altered or fought against to be eliminated for better practices. if no one thought past the comfortable sentence we would not know the periods beyond.

but there are many people who have to fit themselves, contort themselves, force themselves, into established compartments and category. the pressure of the species body is immense. the more in the core one is the less movement is allowed. it is simple how one fits in the cell-sphere model of humanity. the more you need to move, the more you think, the further out you will find yourself or that you need to get to in order to find that comfortable rhythm. some of us find ourselves on the outskirts, the fringe, the exposed vulnerable spots on the outermost skin of the sphere. for us, that is where we find our rhythm within the human entire.

historical record (and by extension the popular-current) is fool of holes. true it is an indication, but not a complete one. it is missing massive volumes of those who have existed, things that have existed. some might say that those who make the historical record or obtain any (varying) degree of notoriety or acknowledgement is deserving, “should be” recognized, or is simply what is needed to make it to record, perhaps that “all else do not matter or are not worth of note.” but those associative assigns and constructs are limited thinking. they do not take into consideration the vastness of life and the connection all has. “all” not arrogantly-isolated to humans, but of all in existence living or not.

it is a matter of culture and biological response that we assign the importances. we want to be or our interests to be safe, to survive, to be comfortable, to thrive, and so we respond to those things that enable or return those kind of results.
i just wish there were more thinkers, perhaps all of humanity cannot be this way. there needs to be the consistent and stable body, the core, of humanity. the outward layers of the human sphere are the ones to take the chances, to search the darkness, to test the unknowns, and then to share the discoveries with the body. layer by layer we contribute to the sphere; not evenly, not surely to the entire, but the average and eventuality is what we all are.

we each support, promote, protect what our dynamic represents, it’s collection, it’s indication. we connect, we are connected always, but it is in the sharing and the consideration outside of yourself that enriches the connection that makes humanity both strong and resilient.

arbitrary pull from the ether

seemingly random effects coalesce within the dynamic of one or the group. 

time seems irrelevant, but at the same time necessary.  is it programming? conditioning?  cultural and peer associations are strong because we are so soaked with them through our years of initial growth and sponge.  formulating while trying to comprehend - a reconciliation demanded of us whether we are able to wield or defend ourselves.  we must know what to do before we know what to do.  there is no relative "try before you buy" for human-cultured life.

i challenge time though.  i've slowly started taking in observations on the perception and usage of time; it's development and usage over known accounts throughout human history.  and by "human" i mean our line of evolution.  time makes sense because we make it make sense.  it is a mortar that seems fit to fit everything together. does the idea of time blind our awares?

time binds reality?  reality is an agreed upon consistency of observation; agreed upon within ourselves- with others, directly or indirectly.
things that seem absolute are still only relatively absolute.  not permanent, not static.  eventually our proud human constructs fall to new discovery, new reveals of our insignificant stuffings.
mathematics, science, medicine, these cultures are infant.  they are arrogant.  but they are what we have built upon.  the evolution model at work.  and it is these cultures that progress us.  our biology is relatively slow to evolve, our brains are relatively unchanged, our bodies - likewise.  but our culture, our learnings, "knowledge," that evolves and grows us futures faster than perhaps we are able to wield well.

our tumble with our knowings may be looked back on someday, to see the relative benefits and detriments that came to pass; but in our current we cannot know, nor do most of us care or realize it is something to be interested about.

i've talked to some in my surround, those rhymed enough to bring out the talk in me - not by my choice but by the flow of the music created by our gathered presence.  i talk them the idea of my "jupiter time."  a kind of twisted dimension of time where we live an earth life, but where seeming-"bubbles" of time allow for expanded days, elongated weeks.  when it's thursday i feel it should be monday evening - - "jupiter time!"
days of the "week" should be 5 to 7 times long (guessing) or that the things that we can do in the same time should be 5 to 7 times (or more) greater.  it would still feel and exist like normal earth time, but we'd be able to experience, do, have that 5 to 7 jupiter times.  it's kind of nonsensical, but it probably makes sense to each of us in that we want more time to do things.

the work week is 5 days with 2 days off - 7 up together.  but why?  there have been many other "week" durations throughout the world.  religion may drive much however.  it does drive much.  religion is unifying and relatively consistent enough to provide the comforts our instinct seeks out.  survival, and thus, thrival.  we thrive, and we may be comforted and happy.

a system that works, or seems to work, or by association is said or thought to work is difficult to change.  the consistency is not easily broken.  it is one of the strengths of our species.  we are resilient and adaptable a beast, but we have that kind of osseous construct that keeps us from breaking apart so easily.  that kind of consistent integrity while having that light-on-our-feet resilient mobility keeps us in existence.
how long we will persist to exist is uncertain, what we do cannot ultimately be determined to be detriment or benefit.  only in retrospect.  how about 50 thousand years from now we take a look back to see what was whot and what was whotnot.

perhaps the week could be changed someday.  something more effective maybe.  just because it's worked so far, or for so long, doesn't mean it is balanced; doesn't mean it's the best or the worst.  i'm not saying to change something just to do it, but if you feel the ether about you telling you something, if your balance is off, then you adjust, you adapt, the resilient beast seeks survival.

the half brat

a beautiful shoe

i cannot wear

will sit on a sil

steamed rolls

{another relatively stand-alone response to my friend storm about old and new and the ability to appreciate old when only looking forward}

i was remarking, just today, about how this one fence i sometimes drive by (residential streetside privacy picket fence) has already turned barnyard brown. it started out as pine-blond. it was probably covered with some protectant but not completely sealed allowing the wood to weather or “age.” it has only been a few years and the fence now looks like it’s been there for decades. it’s like seeing the statue of liberty when it’s not oxidized blue. with those changes, and if those changes are consistent for a length of time, then we establish associations and bonds with those truths and facts. it becomes the stuff that forms our reality. but some or many of those forms are temporary and perhaps context-fragile. for example the statue of liberty is pretty stable and tough. it is not “fragile.” but it is fragile to context if the context involves a city initiative to polish her. afterwards she looks copper and not her aqua blue and people’s reality is disturbed. their comforts shaken, perhaps probably their identity as well – especially for a city ego like new york that has a worldwide reputation.

the affect and effect of things over time. it is interesting.
perspective and perception can alter appreciation, can alter reality. how we look at things how we feel things or consider them changes much.
mindstates, influences, brainwash, campaign, instruction or education, conditioning, these things have a big impact.

i was also remarking about how each scratch or dent or worn piece is an exciting thing to me. where most people flinch or get disappointed, i feel elated. in ways, someone who wants things to (always) be perfect, to remain the same, unchanging, unmoving, static, permanent is someone who wants to no longer exist, to be dead, to be lifeless, to not be human; or they are just not thinking beyond their own boundaries.

reconciliator

the day is burned by common fuss. It is everything my redcap can do to hyde the interpret-blind between noise and the clarity of wonder.

the too turns, every day, wear and build the continuant cinder. abrade and polish are equal continua. all ingredient in that soup-aware. identity and reality; conjured and constructed by our each to cope and handle the boundaries of our decided and discovered singulars.

node to designation

i enjoy clutter, attachment, bric-a-brac, bauble, miscellany, refuse, mess, and rubble.

my shadows are stubborn and my curious are lantern-lit by nightly gnats.

i favour the attachment of obscure acronym to name or noun. asterisks, exponents, and radicals are a permanent tickle; floaters swirling about parts of speech and connecting human sentiments. accents to nuance – necessity replete.

clutter, for the majority of humans, appears to be something visited not lived with. "appears," because that is the relative madness that most humans assign themselves as indicated by the outward projection to their adjacents.

the relative isolate

on the topic of the isolate-feeling a human may project:

"indeed, it does not seem logical that 'my kind' are a rarity, just a rarity in discovery."

which, ultimatley, within the context of society- of human cultural constructs, is "exception"; is "rare."

c-ing

i’ve been often-told that i am cynical, or secondly that i’m contrary or being contrary, but the correct term would be questioning. i demand thinking or am sensitive to a lack of thinking. i am critical of unthinking; not entirely unable to abide but almost. it is not by choice, design, or aim, but by reaction. and though i have intellect to intervene the “event,” that is what i act upon, i have to purposefully steer myself (by utilizing heavy influence) away from my adverse or repulsed reaction to the unthinker. it can be tiring to do so. and why steer away from that reaction? my reaction to unthinking, to unbalanced thought or dynamic presence of mind and body, is my nature. i am steward to that nature, sentinel and guardian. i represent what i feel is best as do each of us. if i do not fully represent what i am, what my dynamic is, no one will. i proffer what i feel is best for the entire, not just my paltry singular dynamic. i find all connection important. my thoughts and awareness lay in the whole, not just the parts, but where i see the parts equally as the whole.

to note:  many will misuse or by misconception or lack of understanding/research or discovery will say that i am playing a “devil’s advocate” – but this is a narrow-minded label since i am not acting “for the sake of” nor am i purposefully picking stances less favoured. often, people will say “devil’s advocate” when they mean to say “contrary.” additionally i have no specific design on taking the opposing or unpopular stance; i serve my context-dynamic not specific aims or motives. my context-dynamic simply means who i am as i am connected to all things.

wide ruled

i have no class
             no rubylith that shows up in the photocopy
       i have presence - substance like a pencil, non-photo blue

       but i am not lead to leave record.

demands of convention

expression (aka "art") does not demand to be figured out

one does not have to "get it" or even understand

your experience is your own

parallel wink

incarnation of a kind of failure is the remembering of name over experience

label over content

my wintery vascillate flake

i have strong intuitive feelings about most(if not all) things i have considerations for. where i fall down is in the lacking of articulate established tools of reference and communication. i become, or the words and expression i share (at least in verbal/written form), less accessible or understandable because i am searching for words (sometimes having to invent new words) to describe what i feel or sense or see. if i had a better understanding of the established disciplines of interest (and the accompanying argot) then i’d not only have additional words or phrases to capture complex ideas into relatively concise forms, i would also have alternate points of view (due to the respective disciplines concerns or focus) to help triangulate what i posit.

as for consciousness and what is real or what can be known, i am open. receptive. i do have relative axioms based in empirical gatherings but i also have an equally apriorical assignment in my being. i am part action and part inaction, that is to say that i “come half way” to meet the other half of what ultimately exists to support my dynamic. of this dynamic support: my physical being and my mind are, as i see it, part of something that may, and seems to be, beyond complete or thorough understanding or knowledge. this continuum seems to have an inherent balance to it. it is a relative balance the average of which can never be known until a specific range in retrospect is examined. but i project forward an idea that there is a balance in the “universe”(of all things existent or not), my projection comes from my experience and observation and the relative dynamic i have come and continue to be by way of the variable influences of context.
this “balance” is something that, i feel, permeates all. so when it comes to thought and action i sense the balance present. i am not wedded nor do i have allegiance to my own discoveries, knowledge, actions, etc. i do apply(habitually or purposefully) responsibility where cultural memes or tact are inherently or intellectually desirable. but otherwise i see my insights or state of awareness to be in a nonstatic state. what would be considered one’s “current state”(how do you feel, what do you believe, what are you) is only a sampling of a particular segment, moment, or retrospective-average of the self. more or less, the way i see things, is that everything is in transitional flux. that something seems to not be changing or moving(whatever the considered duration may be) has not dissuaded my feelings on this perspective thus far.

therefore, my ideas are in constant reception and reflection of the “possibility mean.” thus, to all intents and purposes, i am a vacillate flake. and for those that find rhythmic sway with my own crystalline flourish there is no discord. for those not, trust flounders.

i do have difficultly taking stands(defending) on ideas since i believe in the immense latent knowledge that exists. i will argue points but mainly for the support of the integrity of the perspective i present to the relative dialogue.
i am aware of myself, but am i myself? reality seems pretty straight forward does it not? we have two hands for example. we know things. but what is knowledge? what is true? what is fact?.. and reality. and by extension, to all areas of thought, we can similarly break down the constructs of human belief. do i move in space or does space move about me? countless parallels in motion together.

i hope and venture that the above gives you good content to gain perspective of my thoughts on consciousness and related ideas.

coin toss

change. token. credit.
are gray scales to those who see it that way.
not black or white, but fuzzy possibility.
endless potential
appreciation for the nuances and bonus that existence is.
but what of the alternative(s)? the other points of views?
the other layers of perception?
to varying degrees and way, there must be less choice.
less confusion, less wonder, less potential, less possibility.
most may not see that they see things this way, but ultimately the comforts of blind conformity, or conformity in general include the above as inherent content.
existence is variable, is changing, is continuum.
we create tokens to identify with, snapshots of existence. but do we create? or merely interpret? does the camera or the photographer create everything captured within the latent photographic image? tokens are reflection. bits of temporary perception or perspective. tokens are inbetweens of the continuum and the abstract state of mind. they are tools with no real distinct use save what we assign.
and credit...
interpretations applied to conforming conventions. the change of existence is traded for the token of the mind, for most this token is then applied as credit. a credit is demanded for play for these people. the game requires credit or credits. and credits are applied. they are demanded. and these people lose themselves in the absence of credit. who are they then when there is nothing to say who they are? to say that they exist? to prove that they are worth anything, to prove their success, to prove their existence?
so afraid. fear assigned? fear taught? fear impressed? is it even fear?

knowing we know.
...i believe is bonus.
i like to say that life is like sitting down to a sundae. like a banana split with a cherry on top.
no, the cherry is not bonus. neither is the sauce or sprinkles; the icecream or banana. not even the spoon or dish.
not the table or the floor either. what is bonus is that you are. “are.” that you are here, thinking. thinking about all the shapes, and movements, and actions, and states. elements of existence swirl around you from breath’s moment to next. sleeping, waking... elements- swirl.
at times i will also say “it is a fantastic time.” but what does that mean? what is fantastic? an upcoming event? did i just win the lottery or something? what’s fantastic?
the question is vague or general because it is what it needs to be to express what i mean: “existence.”
i enjoy myself. i am and happy where i am at and what i do from day to day as it is done. i am not relegating or excusing my responsibilities, i recognize and appreciate what i am; who i am. of all that contributes to who i am, my influences, my context(s), my friends, my actions, my thoughts, at the “end of the day” the result is who i am. and it’s fantastic.
some have said that this might be “telling myself what i need to hear” or justifying myself or my shortcomings.

?!

but from their perspective, their perception, that is how they see it. that is their understanding.

and i have mine, as we each do.

a familiar reflection

destruction is the before

a shadow once become

ever since and then unto

paper after under thumb