demands of convention

expression (aka "art") does not demand to be figured out

one does not have to "get it" or even understand

your experience is your own

coin toss

change. token. credit.
are gray scales to those who see it that way.
not black or white, but fuzzy possibility.
endless potential
appreciation for the nuances and bonus that existence is.
but what of the alternative(s)? the other points of views?
the other layers of perception?
to varying degrees and way, there must be less choice.
less confusion, less wonder, less potential, less possibility.
most may not see that they see things this way, but ultimately the comforts of blind conformity, or conformity in general include the above as inherent content.
existence is variable, is changing, is continuum.
we create tokens to identify with, snapshots of existence. but do we create? or merely interpret? does the camera or the photographer create everything captured within the latent photographic image? tokens are reflection. bits of temporary perception or perspective. tokens are inbetweens of the continuum and the abstract state of mind. they are tools with no real distinct use save what we assign.
and credit...
interpretations applied to conforming conventions. the change of existence is traded for the token of the mind, for most this token is then applied as credit. a credit is demanded for play for these people. the game requires credit or credits. and credits are applied. they are demanded. and these people lose themselves in the absence of credit. who are they then when there is nothing to say who they are? to say that they exist? to prove that they are worth anything, to prove their success, to prove their existence?
so afraid. fear assigned? fear taught? fear impressed? is it even fear?

knowing we know.
...i believe is bonus.
i like to say that life is like sitting down to a sundae. like a banana split with a cherry on top.
no, the cherry is not bonus. neither is the sauce or sprinkles; the icecream or banana. not even the spoon or dish.
not the table or the floor either. what is bonus is that you are. “are.” that you are here, thinking. thinking about all the shapes, and movements, and actions, and states. elements of existence swirl around you from breath’s moment to next. sleeping, waking... elements- swirl.
at times i will also say “it is a fantastic time.” but what does that mean? what is fantastic? an upcoming event? did i just win the lottery or something? what’s fantastic?
the question is vague or general because it is what it needs to be to express what i mean: “existence.”
i enjoy myself. i am and happy where i am at and what i do from day to day as it is done. i am not relegating or excusing my responsibilities, i recognize and appreciate what i am; who i am. of all that contributes to who i am, my influences, my context(s), my friends, my actions, my thoughts, at the “end of the day” the result is who i am. and it’s fantastic.
some have said that this might be “telling myself what i need to hear” or justifying myself or my shortcomings.

?!

but from their perspective, their perception, that is how they see it. that is their understanding.

and i have mine, as we each do.

a note on my perspective

one can have a respect for something but not actually respect it

gray area

the individual, the self is pure. is source. is blackness.

the surround is noise, is fog, is whiteness.

but all is connected. part of the process. paths rhythmically resonant to one another.

it is in this place that we exist; this perception and perspective;

this tempered reality we each are the arbiter of.

awareness

“made for each other”
“signs.” “indicators.” “absolutes.” static forms tend to have static cling. with enough of it about your presence you can barely breath through floppin’ sock or wrappin’ sweater. blankets pop your forehead when wandering thought floats by.
when in my view of humanity in the scheme of existence-entire, i am fine with a person who has a balanced perspective on their presence-entire (views, importances, internal and external image mainly for the need for reference points in communication/reality) and then plays with the forms of “signs,” “indicators” and whatnots (indulges or utilizes). but for those that regard these as absolute or rule or standard or that are wholly or mostly unawares, i cannot abide. again this regards only in my view of humanity-specific, how much i want for us – perhaps my ideal of our potential. so i don’t like when i witness unbalanced behaviour. not that i am balanced all the time, but i strive for it or perhaps try not to fuss over it all and get in the way of balance.
but i cannot deny balance, and that in my unaccepting behaviour, even in the specific facet or context of humanity-specific, i disappoint.
i wish people were not, for the most part of the species/population, so unaware; lacking in the instinct for curiosity or if not lacking then having too much resource committed to compact and comfortable conventions of concise convenience.
but i am aware of the way of being that is of me, that all things as are. as they have come to be though environment and experience and the mental dynamic that reacts and works off of the gatherings and inputs of time. i have my reactions and i will not cover those up or discourage them if they feel right, but at the same time, my tempering or balance has me reflecting and keeping observation on all that i am.

perception

for the kind of person(artist) i am, category and staticism(buying into and indulging static-based behaviours) do not work – or should i say “bode well.” there are many artists that buy into convention. they feel they must to some varying degree. the same thing that contributes to my socially-perceived failure is the same thing that keeps my dynamic balanced. “art” may produce tangible leavings, it may not. art by social-definition is more concrete than my state of being creates. art to me is me and all. latent or realized, it is the same. for most i will be too existential or serious or perhaps something more like “explaining away or justifying that he’s not famous, professional, recognized, accomplished, or having done anything but talk and ponder.”
awareness is regardless of action or product. reality and existence are no less the same. my person can be attacked but what i present is the subject at hand and not where it comes from. reference ad hominem.

painted

[a repost here from 7 the 11 2008]

"expression is rendered emotion"

human cell

given time, the average of what you know about me will be enhanced. this, i believe is relatively true with all experience. with some personalities(humans) it may seem that you "have their number" relatively quickly, and for all intense and porpoises what you know may be all that need be known for the given relationship/context or for society to remain in aggregate. but ultimately i believe humans are layered. these layers of mental attribute(not including the nucleus, which represents the physical individual) can be thought of as having depth (closer or further away from the nucleus) as well as having temperature, density, texture, movement, structure, etc.
the attributes of known existence are so wildly variable that this "relationship model" or "model of influence" evolved from my own theories, observations, and subsequent experimentations and tests.

human layers may be revealed or not dependent on the layers of others they come in contact with. so while we think we may know a person(to whatever level of familiarity or bond existing), there may be layers that have not connected, thus those layers remain latent to our awareness.

i say this simply because i wanted to give this blog some cohesion to me. if you know me, i change things where i can. considering all that i have available to me, all that is within my means (perceived or actual, indirect or direct), influences, and environment i continue to be a result of who i am.

the inspiration for this blog is so that i can post raw forms to. society has its nonsense. one thing of which is that, as humans, we think and have feelings that do not necessarily harm anything but that do not blend well with establish forms, conventions, laws, tact, acceptability, culture, etc. but what does this suppression create?
the "given," the understanding that each human speaks from their own perception, reality, experience, universe, etc. is not a popular or commonly realized notion. conclusions are continually jumped to or derived from what is heard. instead of being open to understanding "listening" most people are quick to judge, label, categorize, or attempt to have themselves understood.
experience is a partial source of this. experience is helpful but an unbalanced dynamic of "instinct, intellect, and intuition" will turn experience into detriment. this causes humans to second guess, assume, take for granted, or to otherwise subvert "wisdom." wisdom being what i feel is a combination of or the dynamic of "instinct, intellect, and intuition." wisdom is built with knowledge/experience or "intuition" and it is influenced and directed with intellect but ultimately enabled by instinct.

so i want to contribute my direct thoughts as i've managed to render them to these digital forms presented here. contribute them without the nonsense ramifications or unnecessary protocols of society-proper. red tape rubbish!

humans have survived within the existence of the "social group." society. culture. but at the same time, i consider culture a tool. and perhaps humans would be better served with changes to these ancient conventions of ours, these formalities or traditions. maybe not. i also have a feeling that, given our current evolutional state, that our minds return to relatively similar ways of thought (regardless of cultural conditionings, conventions, trends, etc.).
so perhaps free sharing of thoughts, not necessarily "full disclosure" would help us connect with one another. it is connection that i feel most. the social group has thrived and been made of this and i know that i definitely thrive through connections with others.


so let me state the obvious: what i say, especially here on this blog, is made up of random thought, observations, experimentations, theories, crumbs of thoughts, notes, moods, frustrations and delights, and all other manner of what each of us create within our minds. we cannot directly influence control over what we feel, what we think, we can however influence direct control over our actions. keep this in mind when reading this blog, or when you receive the "interpretations" from any other human.