Thursday, December 31, 2009

conundrum of mental morphological dynamics

validation (and related ideas) impedes understanding, acceptance, embracement, cohesion, connection, social evolution(?), empirical/logical processes.

apriorically and posteriorically this is a repeatable result relative to the human dynamic inclusive of cultural momentum.

why then, do persons involved in higher academia need recognition? the main reason would be one acquired through a construct established through social-based pressures and associative values: resource.  that one’s values and importances (their research or various curiosities and subjects) need resources for their respective pursuits to subsist means that a certain course of action or process must be followed.  this is dependent on the collective momentum or social standard in effect.

i discover difficulties, within me, in adapting to and adopting the required elements for the actualization of those pursuits, and respective results that fall within prominent influence of social conventions/processes.  this is not an absolute nor pathological situation; but even in knowing what needs to exist for a desired outcome, i still have to commit a high level of discipline to see a pursuit through to relative conclusion.  the general outcome is that even a high level of discipline or commitment does not affect enough change within me to realize a pursuit that overlaps or is overlapped by socially-pressured processes.

i do not "play the game" well.   i came to play chess and most everyone seems to be playing life.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

a précis to my confidant: "harmonica"

about the idea of a “team mate,” one’s “other,” or partner in crime(life) ...

i have often thought about this. this “other” (person). i can remember thinking about this from grade school and usually visualizing it as “back to back” (our backs literally, but ultimately metaphorically, together). not just as a friend but as a mate (though i didn’t quite understand the concept of “mate” at the time, but i know i had a feeling for it.)

we each have the elements that we each respond to. these elements are what bring or push us together, or not, or even repulse or pull us apart (none of these implying a negative or positive meaning). because of this perspective, i find myself listening to the nature of things, the flow of existence. i do not take a passive role but likewise i do not take an aggressive role; exclusively. i embrace, employ, and respect all aspects or elements of being. this is not something i do with design but by intuitive balance. meaning, i listen to my being and to all others and arrive with a rich intuition that supports and guides me.

my friends, those i am in close proximity to (regardless of physical notion), can have variable-difference but still have a cheek-tart synchronym that polishes my notes. i do wonder how close someone/anyone can get to me, or i to them. can that childhood-established ideal be realized in some relatively realistic form? because i can see the abstract world so abundantly i cannot deny the optimism or idea that this “other” does exist. the ideas: that we will ever meet, or that we ever exist in overlapping time or age/experience-parallels is inconsequential to my sanguinity.
i respond to the living world like a dance partner. sometimes i lead, sometimes i follow, sometimes something else. i see no absolutes; and so, possibility is endless even in those elements that seem not to change. my friends and all those people i encounter and influence or am influenced by are seen with the same outlook. i do not ultimately decide on who i will connect with or not. i act upon my instinct and intellectual encouragements to further my distinct connections. but how well we will rhyme or connect is dependent on factors transcendent of tenuous human control or will.

i enjoy and appreciate the current. wherever it takes me is a continual-now that i participate in. friends amplify this already-overwhelming premise. that i am without any friend in physical proximity is ok; my pixel will not dither away to digital naughts without physical ties; and, if anything, yearning for this closeness, in the abstract, saturates my sensibilities with appreciative marvel.

“my friends do not elude me. we are connected by atomic circumstance.”
this idea serves my imagination, my intellect but not my instinct, not my sentiment. indeed, melancholy is folded into my dough; however, the scent of bakings are strong and flow as easily through dense forest as closed door. it is said that even those without nose can feel it in their hearts and are guided by its divinitive aroma.

whether seen or not. ‘ known or not. my bright and heart are imbued deep and true by who you are...


my friend.

Friday, December 18, 2009

my wintery vascillate flake

i have strong intuitive feelings about most(if not all) things i have considerations for. where i fall down is in the lacking of articulate established tools of reference and communication. i become, or the words and expression i share (at least in verbal/written form), less accessible or understandable because i am searching for words (sometimes having to invent new words) to describe what i feel or sense or see. if i had a better understanding of the established disciplines of interest (and the accompanying argot) then i’d not only have additional words or phrases to capture complex ideas into relatively concise forms, i would also have alternate points of view (due to the respective disciplines concerns or focus) to help triangulate what i posit.

as for consciousness and what is real or what can be known, i am open. receptive. i do have relative axioms based in empirical gatherings but i also have an equally apriorical assignment in my being. i am part action and part inaction, that is to say that i “come half way” to meet the other half of what ultimately exists to support my dynamic. of this dynamic support: my physical being and my mind are, as i see it, part of something that may, and seems to be, beyond complete or thorough understanding or knowledge. this continuum seems to have an inherent balance to it. it is a relative balance the average of which can never be known until a specific range in retrospect is examined. but i project forward an idea that there is a balance in the “universe”(of all things existent or not), my projection comes from my experience and observation and the relative dynamic i have come and continue to be by way of the variable influences of context.
this “balance” is something that, i feel, permeates all. so when it comes to thought and action i sense the balance present. i am not wedded nor do i have allegiance to my own discoveries, knowledge, actions, etc. i do apply(habitually or purposefully) responsibility where cultural memes or tact are inherently or intellectually desirable. but otherwise i see my insights or state of awareness to be in a nonstatic state. what would be considered one’s “current state”(how do you feel, what do you believe, what are you) is only a sampling of a particular segment, moment, or retrospective-average of the self. more or less, the way i see things, is that everything is in transitional flux. that something seems to not be changing or moving(whatever the considered duration may be) has not dissuaded my feelings on this perspective thus far.

therefore, my ideas are in constant reception and reflection of the “possibility mean.” thus, to all intents and purposes, i am a vacillate flake. and for those that find rhythmic sway with my own crystalline flourish there is no discord. for those not, trust flounders.

i do have difficultly taking stands(defending) on ideas since i believe in the immense latent knowledge that exists. i will argue points but mainly for the support of the integrity of the perspective i present to the relative dialogue.
i am aware of myself, but am i myself? reality seems pretty straight forward does it not? we have two hands for example. we know things. but what is knowledge? what is true? what is fact?.. and reality. and by extension, to all areas of thought, we can similarly break down the constructs of human belief. do i move in space or does space move about me? countless parallels in motion together.

i hope and venture that the above gives you good content to gain perspective of my thoughts on consciousness and related ideas.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

arithmetist

equation and algorithm do tickle my senses.  something about the "way of things" (or, "culture") fascinates me in continuum.  optics and medicine, astrophysics and molecular biology are all the same to me in the way of fascinate-interest.  i am not great at retention of hard fact or data but the intuitive nutrition i retain is intense; overwhelming.

whether geographic tectonic or geometric tetrahedral, anamorphosic or pythagorean - same fascinate {pronounced - fah sin it}.  i am equally enthralled by hypotenuse theorems and the quaint peripheral of anaglyphs.  i enjoy the rhythmic "why" of the aesthetic variable.  root or radical, it's empirical.  bereft of elucidation or enlightened by epipheral amalgamation it saturates my essence tickling a shine out of my brass rudiments.  a proffer of seasoned kitschens and garish subtleties in the lateral margarines.

give me a cake doppled with bentley flakes and i'll show you a gäng fervently awaiting reflections of the aftermath.  a fury of seamless consumption.

Monday, December 7, 2009

the natured root

skeptical
critical
pessimistic
cynical

not

skeptic
critic
pessimist
cynic

that is that, what i am (my “dynamic” that i continually, recently refer to) is not any one thing. i am a combination of things, as i believe all humans and all things in existence are. i cannot vouch for nonexistence or quasistence or even the many things that i have projected conclusions through observations. obviously the further from my own witness or direct experience an event or idea is (or is derived from) the less detail or intuition i will have about the event/idea or the less relative experiences i will have to triangulate an understanding from or for.

that i say or present ideas or perform actions that are skeptical/critical/pessimistic/cynical in of themselves, i- myself am not distinctly any one of those things. i am equally optimistic, hopeful, forgiving, and understanding. humans are not any one thing. we use categories and ideas or labels to identify reference points between our own “universes,” realities, perspectives, perceptions, point of views (the way we each see life and reality). altruism and selfishness can exist in the same person. “can” is a key word. so are words like “perhaps” or relative, possible, dependent (on), may (be), necessarily, etc. that is to say that these words represent the idea of a changing dynamic. they do not represent or imply static absolutes. “static cling” and “static electricity” are popular phrases that i repurpose as metaphors representing the need for the majority of human-kind to “cling” to unchanging(static) ideas or processes. some people, i should say many, will kill for this cling or comfort. that is the extreme and realized potential of human-kind. it hasn’t changed in recorded history and it is probable that it will not change immediately. it will most likely follow evolutions process, and likewise, the “time-based progress” we utilize as our rule within the existence continuum.

what do we do with knowledge, awareness, information, and similar sorts? do we ignore and suppress what we witness or know? or do we accept, embrace, or acknowledge? we can be purposefully naïve or blatantly-loudly aware, but categories or ideas that represent static or absolutes do not seem to do well for the inherent balance of our nature, or of the “way” of existence-entire.

my nature seeks balance. i am not passive in mind. i am definitely not passive in body – how can i or anyone be unless there is trauma present? there is a compulsion of instinct, an exposure of the daily content and influence; environment and variable element. inbetween is the intellect. and within this dynamic of self i sense those things that feel right. as right as anything can feel to an individual. our wisdom, our intuition, our “gut” feeling is fed by the content of our experiences. experience can be seen to contain the same kind of layered model as does food. fat, protein, nutrients, calories, etc. and what do we feed our intellectual dynamic? is it fatty experience? is it overly lean? is it mainly centered on desserts or our favourites?
the balance my dynamic seeks includes the “diet of my experience.” my mind is receptive to as many points of view as can be had. i am open to perspectives because it is in these various sights that give enhanced potential for understanding. i like to call this “triangulation.”
the continuum of my personal dynamic is made of this stuff.


Wednesday, December 2, 2009

the "p" in please

reason and logic are forsaken and/or obliterated in the presence of absolutes and emotion.
the dynamic of principle and practical.

{title utilizes word-play.  all definitions for "principle" and "practical" are implied}

part impartial

{from a personal file note dated 10 the 6 2009}

"i don't have emotions on my pants."  meaning i keep many things to myself.  what i am to any one person is a fragment.  all those that know me are the puzzle pieces of who i am, with me being (the key to assembly) the final piece to complete it.

correspondance: m

some words/phrases i would like to share with you at the moment: palindrome, critical mass, and translocation

also i think it can be said that what i say or my ideas can be: pessimistic, cynical, skeptical, critical, sardonical but that i am not solely/specifically/mostly any one of those things. i am optimistic but i suppose i am disappointed easier because of my perception/awareness of the fantastic in constant refrain*.

*play on word – both meanings included here. the definition of “melody/verse” applies to myself – “restrain” applies to how i feel the fantastic of existence is perceived or valued by most.


Friday, November 27, 2009

atomic wandering

fun digital crumbs to push around. a test of course and empty congress.


(originally from phone.  this text in parenthesis and "title" added afterwards)

wink and whisper

poster-knuckle
assignment:  ohe positive
here to say that muustardth
will go well on mashed lips of refrain

charming cleavage on concrete shuns
my bituminous plane as it rises to meat
your understanding

my text sure-spread across breads
and leads giving weigh to slights and sense
in the bereft of white and breath

it is you and i.  or i and i
or i or nothing.  all a tire
rolling our way in the play of
abandoned lot.
grasses will tickle our tread
and we will rotate our perspective
making flopping sounds in the end

pilly blankets make the eyeless istch.

Monday, November 23, 2009

balanced state

i am not good at self promotion. in fact, i don’t think i do it at all. any perceived “self promotion” by anyone (or myself) is by coincidental-overlap or parallel-of-outcome. meaning that in the way i might do something may produce a self-promotion result but where the promoting was not planned.


it is not necessarily that i “believe” in the merits or inherent attraction of a thing or event and expect anything to come from that (on its own); it is that i do what i do and it then exists. it can be said that it then “goes out into the world” and the world will receive it how it will; that i represent who i am, i have my values and importances and i represent those as i do, but when all is said and done, what i do is not “aided” by what i think i perceive as “artificiality” or forced/purposed actions. i can sense (and i do not like the feeling) when i am “trying too hard” or being “artificial.” some would say “it is what has to be done in society” or something along the lines of knowing the reality of things. and i do understand what is real or required in society or human cultural environments. i "get it" and am not running away or ignoring the relative facts of human society or general existence. but, it is not in me to self-promote. i might sound hypocritical to my love of connection with other humans. because how can you connect with humans (i say “most” not “all” humans) if you do not subscribe to the game/language/method/process of general human culture(s). but i say (or think) that there must be a way for me (my dynamic presence and place in existence). and i journey to find that(or develop it, however you'd like to think about it). i do not do it solely. maybe i shortchange myself in not “going after it by the horns” but again, i react to a self-perceived kind of balance of things, of life. and i also know that when i do concentrate mostly on singular ideas, problems, etc. that i burn out after long. it is like sensory overload. think of when you are trying to smell something and you sniff too much or too long. sensory overload. and then you have to take a break. i don’t take breaks that are too long though. it is all “ongoing.” i address my questions and wonders continually. it is not something i find difficult. for who i am it is relatively automatic, but that is not to say that relax on my inherent state or attributes and let them carry me along.

i will say that, by observation, this creates a conundrum between my want to connect with people and people who would appreciate what i represent or have to share, as well as between sanity and madness.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

a kind ' surrogate friend

[9:20 pm on 96.5 "the buzz" kansas city "alternative" title:  triptych 2  artist:  blockhead]

sitting here with myself, listening to some rare streaming music (though perhaps becoming more common but probably will not last - much like jewelry and me) this song came on, though when i went to go look for it in the "official" playlist it was not listed.  but, because it was on the active window playlist i was able to track the song down:




[exposition:  for some reason in relative years {actually just recent months maybe but having gathered momentum in recent years} i have found that explanation of stuff is fun, maybe necessary, maybe not.  because those who are probably reading any of this stuff will not need so much explanation, but then again - we each can't know what each other is entirely thinking]:  the title "a kind ' surrogate friend."  is written this way using my use of the apostrophe, to denote a thought-but-not-spoken word, to act as a kind of obscure pause or grammatic representation.  it can be read "a kind surrogate friend," or "a kind:  surrogate friend" or "a kind of surrogate friend" or if one was to interpret what is meant/implied then it could be read as "the song in the way it was introduced captures and represents the idea that in lieu of there being physical friends, it helps to have those attributes available/present that contribute to the environment helping to maintain mental balance; cultural balance; and personal momentum(s).


"mzox" is a way i address myself.  it is a truncation of mzococucacu which is a word that represents my human-entire.  that is, that it represents all that i am:  my experience, my intuition and wisdom, my influences (past and ongoing, indirect and direct), my continuum, my place within existence and the connections present, instinct, intellect, choices, my inclinations and tolerances as well as my overwhelms...  my dynamic present.  the word mzococucacu is a represenation of this idea for all humans.  but it is a word that also represents the state of connection of reflection and that of the individual.  thus, the word destroys(contradicts) itself and ultimately only represents mzox (me).  i would like it to be otherwise but i am not a "creator."  we each influence our own reality.  we each will find the static representations that help our individual understanding(s) and perhaps share our understanding(s) with others.

apostrophe

the princess once asked the carapaced doter proof of his once claimed prizes and curse. so for 26 nights of the tree he sheltered by, built the antler-gires by claw and clamour.

the princess enabled, she hesitated to touch the present statements that once caused such dire outcomes. but her love for the crab gave wisdom and trust to her senses.

and the sincerity of her touch befuddled the stars' malicious alignments, forever gifting them with the grace of wish and dandle upon those below.

medium pressure

i sit down and try to type out simple ideas and thoughts or conversation – but the intensity of the medium of language, of word quickly obliterates purpose and i get lost to expressive powers. exploring the diversity and textures of flowing letterform and ribbons of definition gliding and compacting into fiercely delightful gravitous forms of meaning. saturate gatherings of nonsense with innuendo and magma that melts away exposition and definition. the atomic presence of the letter, its words and presence explains everything.


in those moments of writing and composing, vying for influence and dubious control, i am quickly satisfied and overwhelmed. but i come back after a time. after a bit of conversation with the slights above brow and subtle under-nose’.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

awful lot of noise for it being bedtime


too times girder on autumn concrete

truncated lot fool of thistle oblique

brushed pickle insinuates
tolerate the exacting proper

forego the rhyme for frictions tine


{also listed as "writers moonlight" on flickr:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/fouronthedown/4123570603/}

requirement by design

photography. ...is a medium. an inbetween, a vessel or vehicle that carries or represents. ultimately it is a tool. a static middleman of sorts. a costume.


i have found that even before i can remember well (the benefit of mom and relative providing hearsay accounts) i have emphasized the need to expel mental-exhaust moreso than the relative contemporaries ever my presence found. all humans exhaust their mental byproducts, expel expression, find a need to articulate the world-surround; a cause of essential and inherent function. but i have come to realize and accept that there are those humans who are overwhelmed by insatiable experience. textures fierce and overconstantly tied-in to the dynamic balance between instinct and intellect. for this, everything is tool. everything becomes art and element of thought. seams are lost.

of the many tools i have come to use, the camera, and it’s latent insinuations of time and abstract, provides a consistent portal where continuum enjoys tangible form.

e-strange

with so many seemingly open-minded people in-praise of the intellect, the weird, and odd- in photos, in comedy, with twitt exchange, or e-strange, why then is the actual-and-present front of actual reality so unforgiving - full of misunderstanding and lack of tolerance for the out-of-place, or just plain lack of a willing(or perhaps capability) to understand? is the e-on line world so much more digestible to the human mind? where, in the actual physical-present-world, are these seemingly interesting people so prevelant online? perhaps i am just missing this high-ratio* variable on the street-side.

*sarcasm of course.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

for the other 50 of sils.

[as originally typed for benefit of google translation to czech]
a short time before our breaths are audible.  hidden, quietly, in the halls. we find ourselves running fast through corridors of fantastic.  we fly until we are kicked out into piles of lost laundry.

[original google translation to czech]
krátce před dechů jsou slyšet. skryté, tiše, v halách. ocitáme běží rychle přes chodbách fantastické. létáme, dokud jsme vyhodili do hromady ztracené prádla.

[google translated from czech to english]
shortly before breaths are heard. hidden quietly in the halls. we find ourselves going fast through the corridors fantastic. fly until we are thrown into a pile of lost clothes.

[interpreted back as originally written in english]
it is barely time before our breaths are sound.  hidden, quietly, in the halls.  we find ourselves running fast through corridors of fantastic.  we fly until we are kicked out into piles of lost laundry.

[original google finnish-translated responded to from 50 sils.]
i hear you tell stories and listen to my sleeping mind.  dream sounds are like crunching bones, i smell small animals from entering the forest floor.

an itch for the first snowfall of the year

favourite holiday dish: chilled hydra (canned not fresh, fresh is too bitter)

the working moment

temporary movements of texture. pushing peas across the plate. a latent tongue awaits. but no speach. nothing obvious except the tension of what comes next.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

tide navigation

at times i find myself in overlap and/or parallel to the tides of the average human mind.  but i do not find myself reacting or responding to trend.  i do not sense the urge or emotional response to belong to trends, to participate in them for the sake of participation or belonging.  that i find similarity with the average person is coincidence; a temporary state of variable alignment.  i also do not find myself avoiding trends for the sake of avoidance or "being different." 
snuggy.  what an item, no?  it must be bought, no?  of course there are plenty of people who say no.  but how many of those people say no because they simply have no interest and not because they are acting out against the trend, trying to be different/original, like being contrary, etc.?

i continually react to the way people think.  is it too much to say that people do not think enough?  perhaps they think too much?  what is thinking too much or too little?
for me thinking too much can be when we focus on particulars instead of taking in the bigger picture.  we get caught up in specifics or nuances or attributes. 
thinking too little is when we do not take the time or energy to contemplate, to ask questions, to let our wonder go, to think things through to their possible conclusion or eventuality.

i am emotionally speaking right now, so my thoughts are not fully-rounded.  but in general the two ideas above about too much or little thinking tend to hold true.

i come to realize or be forced to recognize that humans are more different in their limitations of variety than i'd like to think.  it is my ideal that all humans have the same ability for thought.  i figure it is our individual culture or environment or upbringing or influences, etc.  but our biological or genetic disposition contributes to our ability of thought as well.  so i have to recognize that we do not all have the same capacity.

[a sort of related note]
i do not believe in "potential."  the word represents an infinite abstract.  perhaps the better word would be "expectation" (of others or perhaps the self). 

Friday, November 13, 2009

the knower

shadowed. a slight lisp of patience.

but gifting, spoiling- a job worth waiting for... in the bureau, in the behind.

protecting of the sensitive elements destroyed by common momentum. attention lacking, gaps filled; but not too much. or maybe so.

at a time when his charges are bewildered by their own floods, minds aswirl, intensely saturate wonder and amazement... he must not over do what he is meant to do. he cannot.

lost in a never-ended fringe of bittersweet segment, he stirs the air of discovery and imagination for all his charges. he is not discriminate. but he cannot accommodate more than he is allowed. he would like to. he would like to stir the air wildly to create whirlpools that catch the depths of all understanding. but he cannot.
few find his air. and slowly. and one-by-one. and heartbreakingly so. and with his position firmly anchored. he watches the many and all that leave his influence. most with no taking gift, and others few with frail remnants.

borough on the edge of pickles and onions

sill-sat, the boy pondered his uniqueness in the states, of mind, or was that "inkling?" in the rates of continued thoughts, his sentiment wandered back to the plating isolatic imagery painted across mediums and peripheral perceptions. static now alive; organicism victories of token layer. could he eat this paintings? maybe just a taste? wonderfully and richly concentrate didactics of isobaric presence. ' overwhelming fire-to-fire of synapse and sense.
in his ritual wake, his uniform uniquity, this boy feels his earthly return in synonym with his nodded departures.
his mind
knows that he knows that he knows that he knows. a reciprocal turban of seemingly endless exponent.
a letter in the armpit. funk on the bit, and holes in his pockets...
this boy awares his connection.
no purpose is purpose without purpose is connection. existence will hold his hand.

a fly a way to slapper his sensement to the acquilege of his chums, his fellow funktions.

the concrete zipper sows his interpretations deep into the seems of the social batting. fringe finally finding center weaves of decorate origins. the foundation was nice to meet if only briefly. indeed, the boy appreciates the smells of the entire but aunt foundation’s moth mints were not as appetizing as idealized. still a wonderland, still a roots, just not so well olfactored.



"acquilege" is a souped word using these ingredients: acquire + privilege
"concrete zipper" ~ an urban-set sidewalk.

keys on the counter

because of my adventuring earlier today(thursday morning actually), i collected a new song along the way: “happy up here” by röyskopp (from norway) off their more current album “junior.” i “know” norwegian bands. they sing to me quite often. so while this is the maybe the first time i’ve recognized/known this band they sound much like what i already know and continue to be attracted to or “hear.” itunes, i’ve been off of itunes for awhile. not that i was buying all the time but that i would definitely visit and sample more often a few years ago when i had an internet connection at home. now i seek out itunes at hotspots when i get the opportunity, especially when going after a new song or needing to buy songs on my memory-list. i bought the video to “happy up here” as well (on itunes). the prices seem to be going up. where all songs were .99 cents in the past now there are songs for 1.29. and whether or not this comes with explanation from itues/apple or not is beside the point that, originally/in the past all songs were .99 cents. where some songs were unavailable except with the album purchase and of course videos were 1.99 or more depending on if there time or syndication, etc. but they were all .99 cents. it seems the “singles” and perhaps other special releases (or singular releases) are the ones at 1.29. perhaps to exploit the fact that the newer trend/generation tends to be one of singled-out buys. where people only buy a few songs instead of whole albums. so why not exploit those songs by increasing the price? apple/itunes (or whoever) does need to stay in business after all? i mean, we as consumers would not have places to go and buy these things from if the places that sold those things could not stay in business? right? (sarcasm of course) but of course, there is always balance. a friend of mine started saying once, or putting it to this word/idea, that exploitive behaviour like described above is tantamount to, or by extension, antisocial.
i feel this too.

[a sampling of imagined thoughts of these kinds of “antisocial” persons, less the tactful, ulterior motive, ethics, moral, covers.]
“we need to get more money because we can. where can we get more money from? there is so much opportunity being lost here. success is about money/power/control. i need to feed my family/protect my own.”

responsibility is not isolated to the self. whether or not we take or acknowledge responsibility, it is an element that exists, especially in human culture(s). the connection we share as existence entities (life or nonlife including) has it’s relative responsibilities. this is, of course, an abstract element but since we perceive and are aware of this element (whether distinctly or not) then we, as humans, are influenced by it, involved in it. perhaps- depend on it.

obverse

acurrantly (“accurately” misspelled but that my rhythms and magnets definitely love the taste of; the taste of iron filing into our momentum.)

i love the allusional-poetic qualities of the similarities, in sound, of “currant” and “current” and all the meanings that can be derived from their individual uses respectfully as well as combined (especially as combined in the dynamic of word-play)

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

the running tissue of layers

graffiti. graffiti writing.
"writers."
for me the culture or sub-culture of graffiti is a wonderful concentrate and rich assembly of human result. action! decision. influence at it's best, cultural development and movement extreme. a worn body (new york of the late 60's early 70's) vulnerable or perhaps with rich soils or ripe atmospheres for ignition of new processes.
at any rate, the human being is highly adaptable, as are all creatures still living on this earth. this is by design, by inherent qualities, by logic itself. if they still exist then the base-organism must have been able to adapt and evolve and continue to survive theses long periods of change.

a highly adaptable being is highly capable, even going behond it's perceived or inherent ability. the "movement" of the graffiti culture-entire is, i believe, a good example of this. with humans being adaptable but also social creatures increases the exponent for ability or capability.

sometimes our own adaptability can hinder us. i feel it does me at times. but at the same time it makes us resilient. we survive because of our adaptability amoung other things.

graffiti, like all forms of expression (art) depends on its contributors, its practitioners. whatever form the practice takes shape in, the practice of a thing creates it, continues it. to our abstract states of mind this is true. of course, existentially, nothing ceases to exist; everything is in a state of change without "absolute" beginnings or ends.

the images included here are of one of my favourite graffiti-culture artists. his name was shy (rip) or shy 1. a prolific writer for his time and very adept. i've come to read much about him (what there is to read) but my memory is not fact-based but memory-based, so, in time i forget the details and facts and mainly remember the essence. and for shy it is what i would call "pickles and onions." i like to use food to capture feelings or ideas at times. and for shy the pungent flavour and subtly-delayed aromas of pickles and onions does well to capture how i receive his dynamic as a human. what you see above left is how most writers of the 70's and early 80's had to work in order to reach the entire height of the cars (subway cars/trains) when in the yards (holding/storage areas usually outdoors in fenced areas).

the previous picture at the top right is duro (in brown pants) shy (on floor too) and min (sitting on the seat with the cool red converse-looking shoes). often writers would innovate and develop techniques or methods to get their goals accomplished. whether or not they had clearly-defined goals or more spontaneous ones, their human ability to adapt and innovate bested all systems of the time. albeit there weren't that many systems in place by the new york transit authority until the late 70's and mainly in the 80's but most of the writers were teens or even preteens in some cases. not that youth amplifies accomplishment but that youth, in general, showcases "inexperience" and in ways shows the rapid development that can occur with humans and their abilities, especially when in groups or under group influences (directly or indirectly).


evolution shows itself in many things from my day-to-days, graffiti is one of these examples. the process of development or contribution, with humans, involves evolution directly. innovations replace standards and progress continues. sometimes this process can be distorted by our intellect or intense dependencies on comforts.

graffiti, like any art, can become "stale" or stagnant. this is usually a period of decline in participation by what i tend to call the "sway" of human population. the "mean" is the main and average type of human comprising the bulk of human population. the "exceptions" continue however. exceptions operate on a layer that is not entirely independent of the other layers of humanity (we are all connected) but are not as influenced or "controlled" by the intellectual or social devices that influence or control the "mean" or, to varying degrees, the "sway" layers of human population.
when the initial "honeymoon" or "rush" of the trend fades, most people will lose interest. this happens continually through time in all areas. there are, of course, motivators to continue participation but they have to be strong and obvious ones. the arts, or forms of expression do not enjoy many "motivators" outside the attraction of the initial trend. those who remain participating in a "movement" or form of expression did not need much influence or motivation to begin in the first place. for these types of humans, the form of expression speaks to them or feels right with their own momentums in the first place.

graffiti culture and the works themselves (in whatever form they take: subway trains, walls, canvas, paper, etc.) has an essence that remains saturate in my being. skateboarding culture and other sub or underground cultures have this same presence within me. it is a tasty one that is reciprocal. it gives back and then i give back and then it returns the favour.

graffiti is not something that can exist beyond where it thrives. i believe this is true with any type of culture.

i leave you with a nice photo in the yards of shy 1 getting up with some piece and quiet. the only sounds you hear in the yards is generators and odd random rustlings (sometimes your own doing) and noises.

thank you shy for your doings.

Monday, November 9, 2009

coin toss

change. token. credit.
are gray scales to those who see it that way.
not black or white, but fuzzy possibility.
endless potential
appreciation for the nuances and bonus that existence is.
but what of the alternative(s)? the other points of views?
the other layers of perception?
to varying degrees and way, there must be less choice.
less confusion, less wonder, less potential, less possibility.
most may not see that they see things this way, but ultimately the comforts of blind conformity, or conformity in general include the above as inherent content.
existence is variable, is changing, is continuum.
we create tokens to identify with, snapshots of existence. but do we create? or merely interpret? does the camera or the photographer create everything captured within the latent photographic image? tokens are reflection. bits of temporary perception or perspective. tokens are inbetweens of the continuum and the abstract state of mind. they are tools with no real distinct use save what we assign.
and credit...
interpretations applied to conforming conventions. the change of existence is traded for the token of the mind, for most this token is then applied as credit. a credit is demanded for play for these people. the game requires credit or credits. and credits are applied. they are demanded. and these people lose themselves in the absence of credit. who are they then when there is nothing to say who they are? to say that they exist? to prove that they are worth anything, to prove their success, to prove their existence?
so afraid. fear assigned? fear taught? fear impressed? is it even fear?

knowing we know.
...i believe is bonus.
i like to say that life is like sitting down to a sundae. like a banana split with a cherry on top.
no, the cherry is not bonus. neither is the sauce or sprinkles; the icecream or banana. not even the spoon or dish.
not the table or the floor either. what is bonus is that you are. “are.” that you are here, thinking. thinking about all the shapes, and movements, and actions, and states. elements of existence swirl around you from breath’s moment to next. sleeping, waking... elements- swirl.
at times i will also say “it is a fantastic time.” but what does that mean? what is fantastic? an upcoming event? did i just win the lottery or something? what’s fantastic?
the question is vague or general because it is what it needs to be to express what i mean: “existence.”
i enjoy myself. i am and happy where i am at and what i do from day to day as it is done. i am not relegating or excusing my responsibilities, i recognize and appreciate what i am; who i am. of all that contributes to who i am, my influences, my context(s), my friends, my actions, my thoughts, at the “end of the day” the result is who i am. and it’s fantastic.
some have said that this might be “telling myself what i need to hear” or justifying myself or my shortcomings.

?!

but from their perspective, their perception, that is how they see it. that is their understanding.

and i have mine, as we each do.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

observations on the toes of linoleum

the tree i currently have up (has been since christmas 2007) was bought at target in november 2007. it has 2,000+ tips and 600 lights. the price printed on the label was $179.95 (but i remember getting a discount of some sort). this year, whether economically influenced or just the thoughts or misconceptions of economic “crisis/downturn,” the christmas aisles at target (and other stores) have come swiftly into place. there seems to be more of a holiday presence with the in-store hanging décor (globe ornament-esque shapes made out of heavy cardboard strips that attach at top and bottom “poles” to create the globe shape) and the themes seem to be more nostalgic this year than before. i noticed that the new “skin” of the packaging is the same flat-and-gloss striped type that has been used for years now at target. this year it is a red colour with no other colours used except for the gloss stripes (in past years some of the stripes were actual different colours and not just light-affecting varnishes). the only items i could see that were “recycled” from last year were the tree stars. they were in the black striped theme of last year and the backs still said “2008.” target is very consistent with updating year dates on their merchandise or packaging.
the artificial trees this year are not as advanced as may have been if the economic momentum had not been interrupted (though there is a slight shift to the slender tree). one of the trees this year is almost exactly the same as the one i bought in 2007. it is called something different but it is still a blue spruce variety and it looks exactly the same except for a few differences. it is 7.5’ and has attached pine cones similar in type to the ones attached to my current tree (versus a different variety of cone). it has the same angled four-legged stand and it is a hinged pre-lit variety. but the main difference is that this tree is $229 and only has 1,775 tips with 500 lights compared to $179 with over 2,000 tips and 600 lights.

it is interesting to see trends, inflation, profit gouging greed or innovation, cultural changes, attitude changes. this is observed and identified in the individuals- the consumers as well as the retail stores and manufacturers. the “climates” of human social structures are a very rich and dynamic source of existential indication.

cultural subtlety

mountain dew baja blast has been around for a few years now. but only at taco bell. i discovered about a year after trying it that it is a lime-based flavour. i have not done any research about this but i wonder if the drink is a taco bell exclusive.
as a side note because i know i have not documented this yet in any way (i think) is that i continue to like the taco bell sauce packets with the funny phrases on them. including the purple one that replaced the orange hot colour that was out about a year ago for feedthebeat.com.i suppose the packets will be discontinued eventually, probably soon. but it has been nice to have a little “flavour” like this in the popular culture mainstream.

my name and "as"

mcóx, mzocoxito, mzococucacu, gan, “kanser,” rene, and juan- these all represent who i am. my social assign or “official” name would be “juan.” but only those slave to the tradition that dictates that a name be absolute, as assigned by another (even a parent), will not understand when i say that “juan” is not “my” name. it is my father’s name. his name is “juan” as well but what i mean is that it is the name he chose to name me. my mom wanted charlie, rene, dominic, amoung others. those were “her” names. but my father ultimately chose my name and entered it into social record and absolutes when he wrote down and submitted my papers, my birth certificate. we are all relatively helpless to disobey these strong social conventions and ethics. especially since most of the general rules are actually well-enforced laws. this is a relative constant no matter where one is at in the world. we must give our children names, not temporary ones to later be solidified or chosen by the individual.
perhaps our social/physical evolution effects this behaviour of naming and assigning. it would make sense because so many people, the majority of the population, abides by this and even relishes and enjoys it. for someone of my perspective, however, it is nonsense. it makes no sense to follow without question. but not without having to question, but rather following the rhythms of the self. the rhythms include instinct and emotion, knowledge and intelligence, wisdom, context and necessity, etc. thinking through to conclusion or “eventuality,” common sense, reason, presents a “path” that serves the individual. and this is not “self centered” or “selfish” because the balanced individual acknowledges and has interaction with those around them. therefore the “path of the individual” includes the individual’s environment or context and all that is contained within. this includes other people for example.
for me, this means not necessarily following without question. for most, it seems, that following without much questioning or thought is what their rhythms are. i can only imagine the probable demise of the human species if most of the population were made up of people like myself. that is why while i feel a lot of nonsense from most people, i still understand their thinking and behaviour because they are the main group of the human species continuing our evolution and survival. in the end it is not so much nonsense is it? just a matter of perspective.
my name is whatever the individual decides. not the group. the group is made of individuals, and at some point it is up to the individual to contribute their decision or action to the group (however big the group may be). the individual may hide or be overshadowed in the group but the group is no group without the individual(s).
in this case my name is not “my” name but the individual’s name they decide to assign or label me with. “my” name(s) are my own. they will change by my own dynamic and its rhythms and movements. i will convey them in communication with other people. and this will continue despite the type of reception my names have or the way they may be used.
names are tools. they are forms to assist function and provide result. communication can be said to be the necessary result. but what kind of communication? what goals are involved, what themes, what directions... a word or idea like “communication” is very generic and broad. and that is good. it is a good word to start with. and with each human to human relationship we bond and define the nuances in meaning.

generally, if our attractions are strong enough then so too will be the bonds formed. the spectrum extremes of both bond and separation are never guaranteed, absolute, certain, static, or permanent. existence fluctuates. it is a changing form much like (and reflected/indicated by) our own organic dynamic.

me “as” [enter your label for me here]

“ganasgan.” gan as gan. ganas gan.

a familiar reflection

destruction is the before

a shadow once become

ever since and then unto

paper after under thumb

a note on my perspective

one can have a respect for something but not actually respect it

human dilemma

“i think, therefore i am... confused.”

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

reception of perception

where were we before the moment now? lifetimes, years, ages, months... days? hours? seconds?

did they exist? what about what will be? or is there a "will be."

most of this goes unnoticed, unquestioned in favour of our instincts and our ability to conform to our species' cultural evolutional state. we have evolved with the element of the "social group" and so our instincts are aligned with and support that state of being.

but when one thinks more than the average- is compelled to ask the unusual questions (or simply, the questions that are unanswered) then the existential (all the initial questioning here) becomes obvious and commonplace.

Monday, November 2, 2009

afterday sentiment

my corrode suffers to eat my accordion. but in the meantime - happy post-octoween!

fallen drawers

into the layers of mattress and pillte posumae we dived. mattress batting us about the knob; falling, falling. where does it stop?
the philtered light comes from around, no source discovered no matter found. but we fall to it, all abound. astounded that we can be in this falling state, amoung bedded wares and nightdream bares.

and with a swipe or two of our cottong-knit seems we land to the bottom of a fiber-mill stream.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

noise

i am beast.

and...

'

you were my breakfast

i've already flushed your result.

Monday, October 12, 2009

moses, poseidon, and me

last week (on the 8th) i came home to rain. yes it was raining outside, but when i opened my door i immediately felt the shin of humidity kneeing me in the face. oh yeah, it was a party. and perhaps if i'd come home right after my shift ended i might have had time to partake. but no. i got home hours too late. i ran up stairs as soon as i saw how much water was coming out of my ceiling and wrenching the walls and i ran into an on-call maintenance man who then told me that no, he wasn't my upstairs neighbor and that water pressure had been restored after having fixed a hot water main break.

it has been an ordeal and i've only had about 12 hours sleep total from around 4pm wednesday evening to now at 1am monday morning. most of that 12 hours was had at once saturday night and sunday morning while staying at a semi-relative's home. my house is like one of them puzzles where you only have one free square to maneuver the pieces into making the image complete.

currently i'm still waiting on the carpet cleaners to come and wash and sanitize the place. i worked non-stop from wednesday night until friday night (with about an hourish worth of sleep and about another hours worth of rest/nap/attempts) to remove every single last thing from the floor of the carpeted dining room that was flooded. mostly, the flood was confined to just that room but of course the humidity and smell is affecting the entire apartment. it also hasn't helped that it's been raining these last few days.
i cannot maneuver much in my apartment now and there is little space to do anything until the flooded room is cleaned (it has already been water-vacuumed). but even once the flooded room is completed i am going to need to purge.

this is not haste, nor is it impromptu. what it is, is the bazooka i'd hoped for, the motivator, the surrogate friend that helps me to check myself (i have no actual friends in my real space - they are all virtual-ly connected now) or give me the kick in the butt.
i am tired of stuff. i've been tired for years and years. i'm tired of more than "stuff" but stuff does represent that conditioning and programming that irritates me. my intellect is aware of what i find important, but it is my instinct and habitual devices that completes this jekyll and hyde (of sorts).

it helped that my dvd collection was mostly submerged in water. this helped complete an idea i've had about eliminating excess matter. matter both physically and mentally. what matters?
well, not packaging. not packaging-entire, meaning not "packaging" entirely but the packaging of cd's and especially of dvd's (even blue-ray) is considered by most people to be protective casings, some kind of official standard that is connected to the medium inside. but what is the trade off of the protection you receive from those bulky plastic boxes? and most people cannot keep from scratching their discs even with that supposed protection. my discs are rarely scratched by my own hand. and slip-sleeves bring no new effects to this end - at least at my hand.
so i threw out all the cases fro any dvd or video game i had. even the ones that were dry. all gone now. i still have yet to obtain the disc-cases to house them all, but they do make pretty big ones that will work (holding 300-500 discs each).

this idea of embracing what is important to me, and not just realizing it or knowing it, expands beyond simple elements like dvds or periodicals. the example created by the flood and the ruined dvd covers is transferable to almost any(if not all) elements of life and especially consumerism-entire (or all that consumerism affects or is derivative of).

the momentum faded during my last flood about a year ago. why? because the event did not hit hard enough. i am too optimistic or happy a person and i am highly adaptable to adversity and discomfort (humans are this way in general but i seem to be really really really good at it).
the event did not hit repeatedly or long enough either. when i say "surrogate friend" in speaking about floodings, i mean that a friend who is there offers reflection; either directly or indirectly. they either say things to you subtly or blatantly that makes you aware of your own direction. from there you can take action or alterations in course. or what they say inspires unrelated elements to develop within you.
but without that constant reflection(or existence of "friend") the only other "outside influence" that can do this kind of thing are "events." either life events (health issues, accidents, births, deaths, etc.) or "happenings" which are events like floods, quakes, mud slides, eviction, loss of job, landlord/owner sells off property or looses property forcing move, etc.
these are things that are intense issue. they are not mild versions either. they are events that ultimately change perspective.

and perhaps one would like to think that they can recreate these events in their mind, that they can self-initiate. but some people do and some do not. we are all different and what our current-and-daily result is is "indicator by result" of what our current total capability is.
with everything that we have experienced, are influenced by, take action in, react to, have knowledge of, etc. our "current and daily" result is our capability.

this is not an excuse for responsibility or behaviour. it is recognition of result regardless of emotion or abstract element or association.

i am glad for the parting of matter before my eyes. i am appreciative for poseidon's continued surrogate insinuations. with me back at the helm i am optimistic for clearer weather ahead.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

a poe about common sense {specifically the relative absence of}

i do not like the scraping of my lucid moments by flail-armed sentries of general mean.

Monday, September 14, 2009

just

i’m just a story. nothing real, nor fake, but simply “what is”
a panel, wafer thin. see-thru amalgam
a dense preexisting
corners foul
blind spots owl

neither what is or was
supposed to or have to be
what was it they said?
knock-need conventionality?

bury a scratched back into a comfort grave
decided and continued

provenance

the balance of corrugate is not as quiet as is perceived to be. a subtlety ignored but in continuance; in prevalence. like gravity, not a magnet.

matter

we are none of us artists

we are all of us artists

ultimately none of that matters. unless we decide.

Friday, September 11, 2009

gray area

the individual, the self is pure. is source. is blackness.

the surround is noise, is fog, is whiteness.

but all is connected. part of the process. paths rhythmically resonant to one another.

it is in this place that we exist; this perception and perspective;
this tempered reality we each are the arbiter of.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

gradated perception

abstract colloquial truths
abstract colloquial truths are facts based on perception, experience, emotion, context, culture, etc. an abstract colloquial truth is supported or maintained strongly by the individual or group. it tends to be a relatively firm belief usually being a misconception of fact. abstract colloquial truths are created, supported, and maintained by static, limited, or narrow-minded associations, knowledge, or thought processes.

immanent- and imminent-fact
immanent fact is something that is a personal fact(that already exists within or of us) but that we are unaware of or unable to articulate in a way that is comprehensible(to ourselves or others). we may “feel” an immanent fact’s presence or effects but do not entirely understand. an imminent fact is a fact that will be present in the next moment or instant. an imminent fact cannot be avoided or hidden it is an abstract idea of something that will happen in the next instant and not “sometime in the future.” an imminent fact can be thought of as a “result.”
perception of imminent fact is also known as common sense.

p:p as i:i

for about two weeks now, maybe three or four, i’ve been making the distinction of a thought process or way of thinking(or course of thinking) that i’ve boiled-down to two words: practical and principle. practical is logic. principle is emotion. practical is more instinct-actual and principle is more intellect- or knowledge-based. though it seems these are reversed (isn’t intellect a logical thing? and instinct, emotion) they are not when describing the thought process i’m talking of. personal and/or narrow associations need to be expanded for understanding. all that is is a balance of or relevant combining of elements and non-elements. in humans there are many at hand that may be involved, active, or leading to results, eventualities, or outcomes. we seem to be in a continuum, and so, this is “always” or continuing to happen. this goes for the way we think just the same as the way our bodies are affected.
when we do something we have what we know(information experience), what we remember(experience wisdom intuition), and what we feel (instinct intuition wisdom emotion). i’ve called this instinct, intellect, and intuition in the past. but the words practical and principle, for me, sum up the state of these two branch-thought paths.
it seems that choices, amoung everything else, involve these two paths or branches of thought. practical is the path that is based on what is actual or present, either in mind, like culture or decision or outcome, or physical like tools, objects, environment. practical actions are logical ones that are calculatable and based in fact or fact of experience. fact of experience is different than a flat fact in that “f.o.e.” represents the state that an individual or group’s facts are based in what they have come to know or have had access to or been exposed to. it says that one’s facts are based on experience and that there are facts that may be and are hidden to any individual at any time. it says that what we know to be factual or true may be false or artificial or fragmented.
a flat fact is the abstract idea that there are stable and consistent elements(facts) in reality. for humans these facts permeate our culture and comforts. this is an observation of this state not a dismission. flat facts can be as simple as black is black because... or more complex like the outcomes and effects of gravity on compound processes.
when we react along a practical path it is “getting the job done” or “putting emotion aside” etc. the negative statements include “acting like a robot” “no humanity” etc. but the path is not absolute or static. like mentioned above there are many elements involved at any one time. it is our minds that temper these elements (or have the ability to temper) that then result in results or our actions.
practical thinking is looking at what there is to work with, what needs to be done based on desired outcomes or importances.
principle thought is based more in emotion, or what we know or rather “think” is present or happening. principle thought is the “over thinking” that we talk about or the “second guessing” or when we get caught in loops of “too much planning” or preparation. “emotionally compromised” is another one. initially, when we plan or prepare or think out what needs to be done, we are thinking practically, but at some point the balance is thrown and thus enters in principle thought.
principal thought, like knowledge can throw off balanced thought. as parallel example, most people draw/paint what they know versus what they see. what they know clouds what is present or actual. this kind of emotionally-enhanced thought can quickly get out of balance.
embracing all the elements that exist enhances the soup’s potential. whether or not all elements are utilized or influence the soup is beside the point.

there are definitely times of overlap beyond the combining of elements (and their overlap). sometimes the action-taken can be perceived as principle-based but the ultimate purpose is practical. the opposite can be true where, under the guise of being practical, a principle-based intention is realized. these actions(principle/practical/or overlap of), when they are occurring, are present regardless of the individual’s level of awareness of them. but i think that latently, these two paths of thoughts (or their overlap) are always present with the average human mind.

Friday, August 28, 2009

tide-ings

flounder is a kind of flat fish (pleuronectidae bothidae) it also refers to splashing, to be in trouble, to be confused, to flail. my favourite definition being “to make clumsy uncontrolled movements while trying to regain balance or move forwards.”
in addition to many other attributes and descriptors, one may add, i am sown to felt the flat of bothidae.

i am water swimming water. continuum drowns. out. time.
statement of countless judges. sentence assigned regardless.
overlapping complimentary contradictory designs.
folly and façade.
temper enters
balance my segment
day and night withes to incident
callus my skin but not too deeply please
i may thrash against that batting
exhaust pressured through yarn-crowded pinholes
of quarters bound paisley and wane
tooth and tat the rigorous prat
flattens ground, straightens that
which finds you sound

and board

Thursday, August 27, 2009

state

[from an e-mail to my friend storm]

this(this message) is one of those things that is said or talked about or stated because of the “just in case.” in these times of disconnectivity and isolation i believe this even more important than is (what i would perceive as being) normally needed. needed for human connectivity: bonds, social group(s), community, relationship(s), cultural process, etc.

i believe in some form or another this characteristic or attribute has been me or of me since my genetic disposition was first committed to course: that i am “home.” that i am “singular.” a “part.” i believe (as best as i can observe given memory’s tricky dynamic) that this characteristic was nurtured early-on by varying influences in my life (some of which i can detect and discover others have remained vague emotional references). i also believe that, more or less, i would have come to the same current relative result no matter the influences, well.. that is, to a certain degree. exceptional intense degrees in any direction obliterate balance and thus destroy or smother the genetic propensity or inherent state of a thing(in this case, a living being – human).

i also understand more and more that (or i should say that i’ve understood this or have been made to understand this and am reaffirmed of it’s truth by continued observances, reflections, questioning, and experience) this really only applies to my relative “type” of person. that is, a person who is relatively similar to who i am based on experience, genetic disposition, cultural influence(s), knowledge, instincts, intellect, etc.
humans are very similar, but at the same time, very different or varied. varied is the better word to use, i believe, than “different.” the connotations and associations of words and their usage confuse things often in communication. it is unfortunate we cannot mind meld, but mind meld with expertise and not simply to have the ability to meld.

it is obvious to me, at all times, that each human’s actions and response(same as “actions” but verbally, but seemingly needing to be a separate list item) are their own. we each dictate reality. whether or not we realize this, feel this, know it, is entirely separate. there are plenty of people who by culture, experience, programming, influence, conditioning, situation, are blinded to this inherent attribute of the evolved brain and aware human mind.
i sense, often if not mostly, that people forget this fact, state, or at least potential state.

wherever i go i am home. i can be overwhelmed by the inundation of cultural pressure, influence or the pressures of context or decision, but on the average, in general, i am home. but not “home,” because home is not a singular thing for me. as it turns out there is nothing i can detect or observe that is singular for me. even myself is not singular. when i think on myself or of myself i quickly feel that i am not singular or permanent. i am cells, then molecules, then atoms. i am a part of the population, a part of atomic presence; i am both incidental and essential. the phrase “i am everything and nothing,” may seem like portraic* and esoteric existentialism but it is just a tool after all, and it does have a solid use. the phrase or phrasing like it say a lot.

*poor-tray-ich – meaning something that is beyond one’s self but is ultimately an empty rigid portrayal or projection of false ideal. much like the fawning or fussing one might do over an honoured portrait of one’s self but especially a portrait of someone looked up to or that the person wants to stand behind, though they may not know much or anything of who is depicted in the portrait.

i enjoy the first cognitive sensation upon waking, as well i enjoy those blended moments that can be perceived as being “between” thought or between sleep and wake or wake and sleep. perhaps my current state or situation has afforded me this point of view, this perspective or vantage point; or perhaps it is this current state that has “warped” my outlook, corrupted, or misguided me. but however one might view/word it, it is a perspective i feel rhythm with. have i gravitated toward it, have i created this? or am i a reed in the wind? moss in the stream? tossed here and there without any influence save my own physical presence and simple actions? ultimately one will decide for themselves(either knowingly or unknowingly) the level to which they create the universe or the universe creates them.

ultimately the “challenge” is in the mind. it is thought, or the indication of thought or “consideration” that i find myself attracted to. to varying degrees i tend to be repulsed by the alternative. if i wasn’t this way then i could imagine not even being your friend. because i would not have the interest in how you perceive things, how you think, and therefore i wouldn’t have the chance to bond or connect with you and gain the understand one does with that kind of connection. i could call you “friend” but ultimately you would not be. there are so many people that do not care so much about thought, about discussion, about common sense, about detail. these words are general and thus can mean many kinds of things, but i think you know what i am talking about. when i say “detail” i don’t mean those people who know details or are “detail oriented,” i’m talking more about those people who are perceptive of subtle attributes that give tell to understanding – ultimately it goes back to the “umbrella” of common sense.
people do not seem this way on the surface and there are many behaviours, indicators, or attributes that disguise the lack of this level of thought or concern/contemplation that i am speaking of. it is much like my zombie metaphor years ago about the “woolies” about how there are an exceptional few (comparatively) thinkers surrounded by these relatively non-thinking woolies. there are plenty of people who are in the “sway” (the general and gradated portion of people who go from woolie to nonwoolie or average to exception), and it is these people who can become “infected” or influenced to go the way of the woolie. But just like infected zombie victims, you may not necessarily be able to tell them apart from noninfected sway or exceptionals, at least until they really start to turn. But usually by the time you realize they are infected it is too late for you. you’ll get damaged in some way. maybe you’ll escape. Haha

the charm of humankind is our ability to adapt. it has made us an evolutional success. whether or not this means our continued survival and evolution is uncertain. our ability to adapt has led to our “social group” and the ability for our minds to grow with the excess resources saved by working together and devising intellectual devices such as culture and processes. processes like math, order, arrangement, etc.
despite our differences we do have the ability to coexist well. at the current, we have the issues of imbalance of intellect and instinct, the lack of discipline of the mind. thus we have the issues, we live with, in the world. we have the isolation of country, of race, of neighborhood, of family member, etc.
still, we have the ability. culture is one of the distinctive strengths of humans. culture is ultimately what has evolved. our physical selves are much slower at evolution. this process is what works for survival. because culture, and it’s affects, can outpace the rhythms of basic evolution it is our culture, or our minds, that can temper the balance.

----

ha, i think mainly i just wanted to say that i feel like a water molecule in the ocean. vast and particular, entire and singular. incidental and essential. i just wanted to state that. and in the above i was pretty much spelling it out as best i could while at the same time keeping you in audience to the process.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

of futile fussery

the tire rolls the town. tension unwound- at frictional costs.
the contribution is effective and nonsense just the same.
but the entire hears the humming of the treaded
a subtle symphonicie lurd to a quieting oil.
of solitude
of purpose
of solace

and foundation

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

the conundrum of exception

being a minority, do you want the natural habits of the mean-mass of humans to have a target by which to address? being a minority, you have a rarefied perspective but to connect and disseminate, the resultant dynamic, an aperture or dialogue of sorts must be established to some degree.

is it i who am explaining-away, excusing myself from responsibility, or not facing reality, truth, myself? or is it i who has awareness of self, context, and reality? who is right. who is wrong. who is right? who is wrong?
who decides what is real- and what is not? it would seem that the individual (or group) with the ability to influence the largest group is ultimately (within human culture) that which decides the state of our(human) reality.
convention is tool. all is tool. boundaries and static forms change, in time, in context. it is the abuse or misuse of convention, of tools, that instigates my madness and possibly, my frustrations. if anything, it is this imbalanced practice or tendency of the human-mean, resulting in the friction between that culture-entire and my own, that affects me most. the clash of culture. the misunderstandings in translation; incorrect interpretations. the friction of tangents.

somehow i have to manage a way to figure out an interface that can enable connection between my dynamic and any other. this is not created by design but by compulsion, by necessity from my dynamic. otherwise i feel i will not fulfill the connection i feel to make. i do not feel the general attraction most have to the convention(s) of recognition, fame, credit, acknowledgment, tribute, acceptance, and other similar forms. in of themselves they are good “tools” or forms that can represent and convey a great deal, but considering the state of human ability, these forms are grossly abused for the sake of themselves, for self-definement, validity, confirmation, and confidence. and i think it is this that i am reacting to and why it is so difficult for me to accept or "buy in to" conventional forms of shared expression.

anonymity is my attraction. the search for self and the resultant "original" forms of expression that result from that are also my attraction. this does not mean that anything is absolutely original, i believe in the continuum of all, the connection of all. so there are no absolute original forms.
tempering the connection with all else (human or otherwise) and the self is my attraction. i can sense the presence of this.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

being

me
you
us
we
they
home
away
toe,
about

the body. human. genetic. culture
action and boil
a smooth and gnarl of gatherings.

a fingered hand. foot prints pursed on concrete pasts.

life is bonus, knowing is bonus bonus.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

awareness

“made for each other”
“signs.” “indicators.” “absolutes.” static forms tend to have static cling. with enough of it about your presence you can barely breath through floppin’ sock or wrappin’ sweater. blankets pop your forehead when wandering thought floats by.
when in my view of humanity in the scheme of existence-entire, i am fine with a person who has a balanced perspective on their presence-entire (views, importances, internal and external image mainly for the need for reference points in communication/reality) and then plays with the forms of “signs,” “indicators” and whatnots (indulges or utilizes). but for those that regard these as absolute or rule or standard or that are wholly or mostly unawares, i cannot abide. again this regards only in my view of humanity-specific, how much i want for us – perhaps my ideal of our potential. so i don’t like when i witness unbalanced behaviour. not that i am balanced all the time, but i strive for it or perhaps try not to fuss over it all and get in the way of balance.
but i cannot deny balance, and that in my unaccepting behaviour, even in the specific facet or context of humanity-specific, i disappoint.
i wish people were not, for the most part of the species/population, so unaware; lacking in the instinct for curiosity or if not lacking then having too much resource committed to compact and comfortable conventions of concise convenience.
but i am aware of the way of being that is of me, that all things as are. as they have come to be though environment and experience and the mental dynamic that reacts and works off of the gatherings and inputs of time. i have my reactions and i will not cover those up or discourage them if they feel right, but at the same time, my tempering or balance has me reflecting and keeping observation on all that i am.

perception

for the kind of person(artist) i am, category and staticism(buying into and indulging static-based behaviours) do not work – or should i say “bode well.” there are many artists that buy into convention. they feel they must to some varying degree. the same thing that contributes to my socially-perceived failure is the same thing that keeps my dynamic balanced. “art” may produce tangible leavings, it may not. art by social-definition is more concrete than my state of being creates. art to me is me and all. latent or realized, it is the same. for most i will be too existential or serious or perhaps something more like “explaining away or justifying that he’s not famous, professional, recognized, accomplished, or having done anything but talk and ponder.”
awareness is regardless of action or product. reality and existence are no less the same. my person can be attacked but what i present is the subject at hand and not where it comes from. reference ad hominem.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Monday, July 6, 2009

on matters of segmental appreciation

“it is a one-sided silver-painted cardboard consequence that one foot finds the flat. a sawbuck in the back. spent in futures at the deli on the corner of nostalgia and forth. it will be a big sandwich of broken tooth.”

banks and curbs

the derogatory incarnation of the flattered stone. it is called moss and mold; not too old. moment to moment. but not quite understood. slippery and with a delicate constitution, not of its own but to those clods who find footing upon it’s moistened quips.

mid way

i reflect my own madness. a fun house of mirrors gesturing topically, amusing it seems. a maze of reflection to escape. madness swirls the tube toward the slide of grand exit. afterwards it is the bright light and cloud of the thoroughfare, of cotton candy and allowance spent. thinking, cast off for conventional comforts.
...except for me, standing there in the niche of the uneven rooms of confusion. listening to the rumble of the unbalanced stairs and rolling floors. their action is pleasing to me. their presence soothing.
i am not spun whitening bolt; it is reality- spun about the fold.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

lettuce and flies

living abstract lives; most humans are unwittingly bemused by this innate attributal present. afforded the past and futures and engaged by pressured surround, most humans have barely a time for bearings. in-take of world and ground, of infinite and cloud, of toe- of breath.
that we are, is abstract; the knowing of it is abstract. “it depends” changes everything. even the smallest coin means anything; change is change, and so forth and so on any given day, any moment, perception is a screen of dimension and reality.

frustrated means

a conversation through email is much like a slowly written signature.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

thoughts and notes on stitsch knotsch tcotz

projection and screen, perception and layer or depth, perspective and peripheral, association and recognition(all def.s), connection and reflection – these elements are/have been part of my continuum for sometime if not longer, if not always, if not for all. recently in thinking about ways to render the segments of my imagination and abstract into tangible forms, i was thinking about creating or capturing imagery that can be or already is high contrast. this high contrast can then be projected or shown on a t.v. screen. i have not tried projection yet, but the glass and illumination of the t.v. screen along with paper over the glass or a distance away, creates an effect that i like. the effect changes with the awareness or knowledge of the presence of the tv and without the knowledge. this brings to point the way in which our perception and associations (amoung others) change. it can point out how we can train ourselves to get past these attributes or how much we are not aware of the influence of these attributes.
the idea that art is in the product or specific process of said product is ludicrous – is nonsense to me. sure i may be challenging agreed on accepted definitions of academia or society-entire, or even in the colloquial influence, but what i feel or believe is true to me despite and considering all that everyone else collectively or individually says feels or acts upon. what i feel or believe changes, is organic, so i have what could be called a “reality based on an average” of my own influence. because i feel that each of our realities, each of what we know is real is based on what influences us directly or indirectly. and the less influence a thing has on or with us, obvious it has a corresponding affect on what our reality ultimately is to us.
hearsay is face value, and is tool besides. that is that, one’s own experience will produce the trust involved which enables us to accept hearsay, or similar, as “reality.”
i can sense the expression, the art i feel is one that has no singular purpose. mirroring existence and life, expression is one facet or segment of the entire but it reflects the whole in its part and parcel. the idea i have coalescing at the moment is one that has been somewhat reoccurring, in relative form, for a decade or so but that has taken on a variation in form. in the past i have expressed this relative way of expression (high contrast abstract) by photocopy. taking my scribbles or the random compositions i find continually (geometric shapes crossing with flowing lines and various coloured blockings and movement seen through a sixth floor window, the reflections of and the shapes beyond mixing to create a moment of inspired expression) and creating from these “scenes” or “visions” a palette or basic language that i can then articulate further ideas with. this is done by copy and enlarging or shrinking or darkening or lightening or degrading edge or quality. meaning or homage or experience, or whatever one may or wants to call it, is inferred or captured or not. i can photocopy and enlarge a street schematic of brooklyn and then, in reviewing all of my gathered bits the ideas and feelings i have, begin to slowly or abruptly coalesce in front of me. it is like talking on a mindstream, without (too much) thought or direction, and finding revelation, awareness, or epiphany from what you are saying in those moments. one can delight from one’s own voice and get somewhat of a removed perspective about themselves in this way. the photocopied pieces come together or suggest new direction. i am the interpreter of this opera, the manager perhaps, not it’s conductor.
i love the texture-entire of the photocopy (the overall presence of the photocopied “product”/result), the utilization of the psychological dynamic of perspective and association to give a new face to, to see the greener grass, to be on the “good” side of the tracks, to offer reflection and awareness to importance, charm, value, to be given the “fresh outlook” on life and it’s components, to deconstruct complacency and routine without complete destruction or unbalanced\unnatural alteration of the individual essence. this same ability to alter the perception or point of view of a human occurs in many things or situations. and like photography (its nature and product being instantly abstract) the photocopy flattens or creates a more static form of recognizable presence or pattern. the same can be said for all forms of expression. they all turn the vast gatherings of experience into concise tangible forms that are more easily transferred, received, consumed, and digested than would otherwise be.
likewise the membrane or screen idea i’ve recently refined also “flattens.” the screen captures various texture and movement but mainly tone. and with the articulation or arrangement of elements behind the screen the resultant “captured projection” creates a relatively “living” exchange and interpretation of expression. in addition to other objects or elements connected with the screen’s capture(everything involved in the singular work/piece) this creates a viable and rich tool for what my rhythms reveal.
light must be involved for the screen idea to work. the “screen” material also plays an important role. in my initial experiments, simple photocopy paper (80% white i believe) was used to capture the imagery from the television tube. the texture and/or fiber content of the paper had a good effect.
the dimensional element of the work product i gravitate towards continues to be relatively three dimensional in presence. elements not element(singular) and multi-perspective or peripheral in nature or presence. that is that, the pieces are speaking in sentences that are read by interaction and not just passive or complacent presentation or audience. of course, what is being shared or captured in any work i do (and i believe any expression that anyone does) is fine-tuned to myself/the individual interpreting and rendering the expression. the use of one form or one series or type, unless that is the natural “speech” emanating from your mind, seems limiting. to me, the utilization of what is available in one’s environment to enable action is what is “right for the job.” whether or not we recognize, are aware of, or choose to act on what we believe is “right” is another thing entirely. tact and common sense (amoung other things) may override or temper our feelings versus what is logical or “right.” so the flat singular object(canvas or flat wall-hanging), as has become the static-and-staple convention associated with expression-forms, is not one that has spoken to me for a long time. when it did speak to me it was only in that brief bit of time that one has when experiencing new forms/ideas/knowledge. still i see how prevalent and accepted this “currency” or presentation is in the continuum of human culture and awareness. but with my beliefs, i do not ban or limit. i should rephrase to say that “i cannot” ban or limit. i am interpreter of existence. i do not dictate what is or isn’t. even if i tried to enact control, the resultant unbalanced state would right itself furiously. control is a misconception humans have. this is my belief based on feelings based on my observations and perception-entire. it is not control we have over our life, it is a percentage of influence. the expression i sense that comes from me is rich with this idea. it reflects this perspective.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

participant

it is present to me that i have no one culture. i have no one style. in this variable i am much like “pi” in that i have no perceivable or apparent pattern but i have a presence and familiar elements. my style is all styles. my style is no style, no form, no specific way or static lay. It is not intention but evention*.

*eventual invention or creation based on the gathered medium (experience, continuing influence, context[situation and setting], etc.)

i am highly attracted to star trek. like skateboarding or writing(graffiti) the culture and dynamic of these cultures, and of most(if not all) cultures in existence(current, lost, latent, or otherwise), is connected with me. we are all part of a whole. thus all connected ultimately. in this place of awareness, all is or becomes familiar. some things find more relevance or similarity to what you have experienced in life. the feeling of comfort and other instincts draws you and bonds you to those things.
i appreciate and enjoy the specific or extreme behaviours for culture as in trekkies, or otaku, fans, etc. but much like facial hair, i cannot force it for myself. i can indulge through laziness (not shaving) or taking advantage of opportunities arising along existing momentums, or experimentation dabbling here and there, but ultimately who i am reveals that i am incapable of belonging to singular forms of culture or purpose – for long.
i can appreciate the love of cosplay or fantasy but for me it is one tool, one form of existence-entire – a way of capturing life and the wholeness that continually overwhelms my awareness.