reactor

i react to anyone who holds false representations. i think this is true whether or not i realize (or know from experience) that the individual, group, or idea is aware of the false state or not. when i speak i am aware(intuitively and not academically) of the possible perceptions and receptions of the words and syntax i use. i am aware that i am not the best at grammar or in delivery. but i like the way i sound, and i like the ambiguity and obscurity that my style utilizes and provides for. and when i say “i like” i mean that it is what i respond to or am attracted to – in no way do i sense/believe/feel that my “liking” for something has been assigned or control. the feeling is created by everything that i am and am influenced by (currently or collectively).
so when someone presents something that my sensibilities and awareness pick up on as “lacking full or honest representation” i will react negatively. this is a statement of what i have observed about myself. i do not choose to react negatively nor can i change that feeling. i can however search and discover new perspectives or awareness that changes my point of view and resultant reactions.
feelings (which are driven by instinct) or reactions come from gathered experiences written into the mind. experiences can mix and combine which leads to the conclusions and summing-up that we do. being open to, or in being accepting helps to temper this tendency. what we feel and what we act on are separate elements that, for the modern and social human, should be considered.
our mixed experiences can form abstract types of people in our minds that we then react to. so when we start to sense the attributes of those mental depictions(abstract people types) we find ourselves feeling certain ways related to those depictions we’ve created. experience and memory are great tools for us. but they can also get out of hand if we don’t keep an open mind to possibility.
we will feel and react the way we do; ultimately we need not (or feel the need to) apologize for this, we do apologize based on our own importances and values.

i do not like false perceptions created by misleading representations. it is not that i want or require “full disclosure” at all times (“what do you have to hide” and all of that) it is that i feel there is a lot of information or context left out when people communicate achievements of any kind, situations, experience, etc.

but what do i expect? do i expect a court reporter to pop up for my benefit? i have to realize the way of people. that we are all different. i know better, but i do fall down.